1 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,445 (A life of illusion playing) 2 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,460 (Alarm buzzing) 3 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,608 (Grunts) 4 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,329 (Grunting) 5 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,910 Hey, Andy! What's up, dude? 6 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,120 Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara. How you doing? 7 00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:02,330 When you going to get a car? 8 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:05,625 -Hey, why don't you get a car? -I can't afford it. 9 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,293 (Laughing) 10 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:11,130 -So, survivor tomorrow night. We on? -See you then. 11 00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:13,007 I’ll bring a soda. Hey, enjoy your orange. 12 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,259 -Okay, take care. -See you. Bye-bye. 13 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,931 -That guy needs to get laid. -Tell me something I don't know. 14 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,015 (Chuckles) 15 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,490 Good morning. 16 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,164 Excuse me. Pardon me. 17 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,625 Sorry. 18 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,961 (Car horn blaring) 19 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,427 Excuse me. Thank you. 20 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:03,266 -Good morning. -Hey. 21 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,434 -Good morning, Paula. -Andy. 22 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,355 Excuse me. I have a question. 23 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:14,777 What is the difference between hi-8 and digital video tapes? 24 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,446 I’m not a salesman, so, I could probably... 25 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,324 Welcome to smart tech. How can I be of service to you? 26 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,868 Well, I was just wondering 27 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,453 what is the difference between these? 28 00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:28,207 Jay: Well, if I’m photographing someone as fine as yourself, 29 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,042 I’d probably go digital. 30 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,463 (Minute by minute playing) 31 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,142 -My god. Sorry I’m late, man. -No problem. 32 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,519 Oh, man. 33 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,606 -I had a weekend. -Yeah? 34 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:55,026 We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know, 35 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:58,029 and we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. 36 00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,406 Everyone's, "you gotta check out one of these shows." 37 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,034 And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse. 38 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:06,579 We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome 39 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:10,041 and it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be, man. 40 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,585 -It's kind of gross. -Yeah. 41 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,337 You think, "a woman fucking a horse," 42 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,005 and you get there and it's 43 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,924 -a woman fucking a horse. -Yeah. 44 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,009 Lt was really giving it to her. 45 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:21,427 And you know what, 46 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,138 to be honest, I felt bad for her. We all just felt bad for her. 47 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,890 -Yeah. -Kind of felt bad for the horse. 48 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:29,185 -Wow, that's something. -So what did you get up to? 49 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:33,314 You know, I just kind of hung out. I was... 50 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,274 God, Friday, when I went home, 51 00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,610 I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. 52 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,695 And I was just obsessing about it and I was like, 53 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,781 "man, I’m gonna make one of those." 54 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:45,326 So Saturday I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs 55 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,995 and I boiled them all and then I just, 56 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,040 I spent, I don't know, probably three hours, 57 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,710 like, three-and-a-half hours making, 58 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,839 you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika 59 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,133 and, you know, all the accoutrements. 60 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,510 And then, by the time I was done 61 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,053 I just really didn't feel like eating it. 62 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,722 -I can imagine. -And I didn't have any bread. 63 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,726 So, you know, it was pretty good. Lt was a good weekend. 64 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,854 -Sounds pretty awesome. -Yeah, it was fine. 65 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,356 Sounds really fun. 66 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,858 -Cool. -Cool. 67 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,360 Cool, cool. 68 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,031 -Hey, Paula. -Yeah. 69 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,617 I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. 70 00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:30,079 For the first time today, I woke up, 71 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:34,500 I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you 72 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:37,169 that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD 73 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,630 that you've been playing for two years straight, off, 74 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,382 I’m going to kill everyone in the store 75 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,342 and put a bullet in my brain. 76 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,138 -David, what do you suggest we play? -I don't care. Anything. 77 00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:50,182 I would rather watch beautician and the beast. 78 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,852 I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours 79 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,687 than have to listen to Michael McDonald. 80 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,982 Nothing against him, but if I hear yah mo b there one more time 81 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,484 I’m gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground. 82 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:03,446 You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor. 83 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:06,949 (Garbled) Fuck you. 84 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,117 (Clears throat) 85 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,911 This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma. 86 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,580 What are you doing? That's my customer. 87 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,875 Lt certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended. 88 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,585 -No, that's my... -Wait. 89 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,712 Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please. 90 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,589 She was unattended because I went to the back 91 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,466 to get the brochure that she requested. 92 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,635 I apologize, but it's too late. The transaction has been completed. 93 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,429 Then you're gonna give me half the commission. 94 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,972 You'll receive none of the commission. 95 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,515 I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy. 96 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,600 This is bullshit. 97 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,560 Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. 98 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,897 How about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause. 99 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:41,108 -Sick of you poaching my customers. -I’m sick of your crybaby bullshit. 100 00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:44,195 You wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and squash it? 101 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,531 Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? 102 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:51,077 Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath 103 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,954 I can't return it until it has spilled blood. 104 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:57,333 Look, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger. 105 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,295 Hey! You're fucking with the wrong sand-nigger, okay? 106 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,881 Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban. 107 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:07,134 Turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here? 108 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,886 Do I talk like a turban guy? 109 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,847 Do I say, "hey, Jay, do you want a slurpee? You want a slurpee?" 110 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:15,142 Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. 111 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,268 Brooklyn, okay? 112 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:19,939 My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay? 113 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,357 All right, man. Calm down, dude. 114 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,609 Look, you still covering my shift on Friday or what? 115 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,612 If I can keep this commission, with pleasure. 116 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,532 -Cool, then. All right, pop. -No problem. 117 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,161 -How about Andy? -No. 118 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,205 Come on, man. We need, what, five guys 119 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,790 -to play a decent poker game, right? -Yeah. 120 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,291 If we cancel this, I’m gonna have to go 121 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,210 to some stupid-ass birthday party with Jill 122 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,628 and that shit ain't happening. 123 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,213 -No. -David: Why not? 124 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:48,092 'Cause he's a really nice guy and all, but I’m pretty sure that 125 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,510 he is a serial murderer. 126 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,303 Who cares, man? He's a nice guy. 127 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,681 I just wanna get drunk, fucked up, and play some cards. 128 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,891 That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade 129 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,977 in some creepy apartment, that's what I’m saying. 130 00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:00,104 I don't really see any other options. 131 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,731 Andy. My man. 132 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,568 You got any plans later on tonight? 133 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,862 Why, do we have to unload the Sony truck? 134 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:11,031 No, the guys are getting together, we're playing some poker, 135 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,325 thought, you know, you'd wanna play. 136 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,660 With you guys? 137 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,747 Yeah, sure. That would be cool. 138 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:22,209 -You know how to play, right? -Yeah, I play online sometimes. 139 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,587 -We're gonna play in the store. -Great. 140 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,255 Are we allowed to do that? 141 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,965 -Absolutely not. -Yeah. 142 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,175 Oh. 143 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,552 Well, so I’m gonna go tell Paula. 144 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,971 I’m just kidding. 145 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,932 I’m kidding. That sounds great. Cool, I’ll see you guys tonight. 146 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,017 -1 0:00? -All right. 147 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,143 (Clattering) 148 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,227 Oops. 149 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,939 -I almost feel guilty. -No, you don't. 150 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:02,291 Going down! 151 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,126 Dumbass. 152 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,961 And a full house. 153 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,880 Jay: Oh, my Dukes! Mooj: What? 154 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,174 How much fucking online poker do you play, dawg? 155 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:13,510 For like an hour or two a night, when I’m not playing halo. 156 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,305 Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man. 157 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,556 This is hog shit. 158 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,850 You, you're a fucking asshole to tell me to come here. 159 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,727 You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you? 160 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,146 Well, fuck you people. Fuck you, you, and you. 161 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,233 Fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay? 162 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,651 Jay: I’m gonna see you tomorrow. 163 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:29,777 -Peace. -All right, man. 164 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,070 Fuck a goat. 165 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,321 (All laughing) 166 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,156 -Good night. -I love that guy. 167 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,159 Dude, you totally... Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn. 168 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,911 About to go see Ellen in a little bit. 169 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,454 Going now? Late-night action, huh? 170 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:41,622 Dude, you know how it goes. 171 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,208 Does your girlfriend know about all these late-night visits? 172 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,751 It's like an unspoken agreement. Yeah. 173 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,088 It's like a completely and utterly unspoken agreement. 174 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,340 If you knew her, if you knew who I was dealing with, 175 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,549 you wouldn't be saying this shit. 176 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,385 There's nothing you can't do with this woman, 177 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,512 straight up and down. I’ve done every single thing 178 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,597 I could possibly create. I’ve literally lubed up 179 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,975 and made love to the arches of her feet. All right. 180 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,101 -Wow! -Jay: Yeah. 181 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,061 -Foot fuck! -That's sick, man. 182 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,771 -Wow. -That is not sick. 183 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,982 -I will give you sick. -Oh, shit. 184 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,859 I was sleeping with a woman recently, she had the... 185 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:14,280 -Her tits were unbelievable. -Oh, man, I love titties. 186 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,408 And so we're doing it and I’m about to finish 187 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,576 -and her dog starts licking my ass. -Oh, dude, why... 188 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:24,039 I swear to god, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog? 189 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,791 I know your nasty ass. He finished. 190 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,419 I finished. And then I stole the dog. 191 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,130 No, I didn't, but... 192 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,008 You know, sometimes, Amy and I would make love 193 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,260 till it was almost like we weren't two people 194 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,971 but we were two spirits or something. 195 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:42,308 Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it. 196 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:45,644 Time stood still. Lt was like we were sharing the same heart. 197 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:49,732 Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things? 198 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,567 "Sharing the same heart," that's like some 199 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,319 Britney Spears shit, man. 200 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,821 This is three grown ass men, don't nobody want to hear that shit. 201 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,282 Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit. 202 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,993 Thank you, Andy. Dude, you broke up two years ago. 203 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,454 -You get over it at some point. -Two years, man. 204 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,080 You need to get past that 205 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,417 because no ass is worth thinking that much about, 206 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:09,835 I always say. 207 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,503 Andy, do me a favor. 208 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,299 Would you please help him redeem himself by telling a real sex story? 209 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,425 Cal: Yes. 210 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:20,763 I don't, you know what, I’m a gentleman and I don't... 211 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,639 I don't kiss and tell. 212 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:26,352 Fuck it, I raise you. Nastiest shit you've ever done. 213 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,811 I’m talking about nasty. 214 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:30,522 Wow. 215 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,275 So many stories are running through my head right now. 216 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,196 I dated this girl 217 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:41,200 for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. 218 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:46,372 She just loved to get down with sex all the time. 219 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,874 She was like, any time of day, she was like, 220 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,710 "yeah, let's go. I’m so nasty." 221 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,087 And I’d be nailing her. 222 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,380 -Oh, shit. -She'd be like, 223 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,840 "oh, you're nailing me. Cool." 224 00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,511 -She talk dirty to you? -She loved to dirty-talk. 225 00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,389 Totally into it. She'd be like, 226 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:08,477 "yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck." 227 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,105 God, it was so dirty. 228 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,651 She'd be like, "me so horny, me love you long time." 229 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:16,944 So... 230 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,905 -Jay: So what were the titties like? -Yeah, describe her... 231 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,116 Yeah, she had great tits. 232 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,369 No, I mean like, detailed. Did she have, like, you know, 233 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,246 -them little pink teeny nipples. -Oh, yeah. 234 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,790 Jay: Or like the long national geographic nipples. 235 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,418 You have like the bumpy braille nipples, the Stevie wonders. 236 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:33,877 Andy: Yeah, they were nice. 237 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:37,423 You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... 238 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,716 And you feel it and 239 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:44,513 it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it. 240 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,182 Bag of sand? 241 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,437 You know what I mean. Why don't we just play? 242 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,147 Why don't you just deal the cards? 243 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,857 What are you talking about? 244 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,984 Have you ever felt a breast before, man? 245 00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,068 Yes. 246 00:12:58,153 --> 00:13:00,696 -Dude, are you gay? -No, I’m not gay. 247 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,406 I’ve been with tons of women. 248 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,491 I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once. 249 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,577 Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. 250 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:09,371 I’m cool. I got friends who fuck guys, in jail. 251 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,706 No, I’m not gay. 252 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,792 No, I’ve borked a lot of women in my day. 253 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,127 You've "borked"? 254 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:18,046 Hold up. Yo, answer this question: 255 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:23,385 Are you a virgin? 256 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,804 Yeah, not since I was 1 0. 257 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,432 Lt all makes sense. You're a virgin. 258 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:31,018 -I am... shut up. -How does that happen? 259 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,519 He's a fucking virgin. 260 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,898 I knew it. That makes so much sense, man. Look, he's a virgin. 261 00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,442 -You guys are hilarious. -All right, come on, don't be mean. 262 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,444 I’m not being mean. I’m trying to help the partner out. 263 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,112 I’m trying to say I wanna get you laid, dude. 264 00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,489 I understand what's going on. 265 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,408 You guys are so up your asses. 266 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:50,037 From now on, your dick is my dick. I’m getting you some pussy. 267 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,039 (Men laughing) 268 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:04,843 A bag of sand! Come on, man! You could do better than that. 269 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,805 God, me so horny? Me so stupid! 270 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,308 (Yelling) 271 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,438 Oh, come on. 272 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,440 (Laughing) 273 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:22,194 It's gonna be fine. They don't even remember. 274 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,029 Those guys are cool. 275 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,494 (Alarm buzzing) 276 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,330 This is gonna be bad. 277 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,124 Andy: Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. 278 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,918 You know what's a dirty word, is asshole, 279 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,753 and that's what you guys are. 280 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:43,632 You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up. 281 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,134 Yeah. 282 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,975 Come on. 283 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,938 -Hey, David. -Hey, Andy. 284 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,151 -What's up? -Cal, good morning. 285 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,992 -Haziz: Hey, Andy. -Hey. 286 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,411 We're gonna have to get you some punani. 287 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,787 (Both guffawing) 288 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,958 Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be... 289 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,501 (Moaning) 290 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,379 This for you, partner, this for you. 291 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:25,465 Waves will be coming at you on Friday, Saturday. 292 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,801 By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained. 293 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:32,055 Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. 294 00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,516 Not everybody is a pussy magnet. 295 00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:38,729 -You are... what are you? 25? -I’m 40. 296 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,398 Holy shit, man. You've got to get on that. 297 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:45,861 Life isn't about sex. Life is about children and passion. 298 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,279 Yeah. 299 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,323 -And spirit. -Yeah, life's about passion. 300 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,992 It's not about fucking and balls and pussy. 301 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:55,370 It's about love. It's about people. 302 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,915 -It's about connection. -It's all about connections. 303 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,170 It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures. 304 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,921 It's not about butthole pleasures at all. 305 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:08,258 It's not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez. 306 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,345 -Please stop. -And Cincinnati bow tie. 307 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:16,224 And your pussy juice cocktail and this shit-stained balls. 308 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,809 -Mooj, just please stop. -Just relax. 309 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,187 All right. That's enough, party's over. 310 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,189 Let the virgin get back to work. 311 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:27,569 Andy! 312 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,405 Andy, come on. We were just kidding. 313 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:31,740 Pointless. 314 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,117 Andy, nobody cares that you're a virgin. 315 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,036 Don't be such a baby. 316 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,455 They were just having fun. They didn't mean anything. 317 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,290 -Get away from me, David. -Wait a minute. 318 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,250 -Stop following me! -Hold up. 319 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,546 Whoa, whoa. 320 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,964 I’m gonna have to quit my job now. 321 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,091 You don't have to quit your job. 322 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,009 You know what, I don't wanna go out with you guys. 323 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,386 -Fine. -Okay? I don't need your help. 324 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,971 Okay, fine, you don't have to go out with us if you don't want. 325 00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,599 You know what, I respect women, I love women. 326 00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:01,269 I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them. 327 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,772 -Okay. -I have a very fulfilling life. 328 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,941 (Playing) 329 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:11,363 And now, I am making your silver pants blue. 330 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,366 Get some road burn, come on! 331 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,827 Come on, sucker! 332 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:20,247 (Singing) Now, pretty ladies around the world 333 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,457 got a weird thing to show you 334 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:25,752 (laughing) Oh, my god! 335 00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:32,426 Hey, will and grace, back to work. 336 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,553 Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second? 337 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,638 We're just kind of in the middle of something. 338 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,932 I’m on my break, okay? 339 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,435 Fuck off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right? 340 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,603 -Fuck off? Fuck you! -Fuck you! 341 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,605 -Fuck you! Fuck off. -Fuck off. 342 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,315 I’m gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. 343 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,694 Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family. 344 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:51,778 Watch how you talk to me! 345 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:54,823 It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to. 346 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,241 Smoke my pole. 347 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,577 -You are a very unkind man. -Get inside! 348 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:02,330 This is not professional. Paula, this asshole over here... 349 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,166 -It's okay. -Haziz: Paula! 350 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,793 It's all right. Come on. You know, it's just... 351 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,254 So, how could this not have happened? 352 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,256 Lt just never happened. 353 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:15,218 When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. 354 00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:19,055 And then I got older and I got more and more nervous 355 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,726 because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of 356 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:26,354 weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen 357 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,649 and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying. 358 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,444 Do you want to give it another shot? 359 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,279 Maybe it's too late. 360 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:38,200 Sometimes I feel that it is just too late for me. 361 00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,535 No, that's crazy. 362 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,622 You're 40 years old. You know, 40 is the new 20. 363 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,665 You wanna spend the next 60 years of your life 364 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,250 never experiencing sex? 365 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,377 And not just sex, but love 366 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:54,382 and a relationship, and laughing and cuddling and all that shit. 367 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,384 I don't know. 368 00:18:57,595 --> 00:19:00,764 -I wouldn't know what to do. -Look, you gotta take a risk. 369 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,474 You gotta risk it. Look at me. 370 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,351 I went out with this girl for four months 371 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,186 and it was the greatest, 372 00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,688 greatest thing in my life. 373 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:13,401 Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. 374 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,695 And, you know, instead of saying, 375 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,782 "okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?" 376 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,617 I dumped her. Stupid decision. 377 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,495 I spent the last two years of my life regretting it. 378 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,455 Why don't you get her back right now? 379 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,749 Because she's dating this pot dealer. 380 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,459 Stupid horrible decision. 381 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:32,671 But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. 382 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:33,964 I gotta give her the space. 383 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:38,009 She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody, 384 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,136 -that's love, man. -Lt sounds horrible. 385 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,347 Of course it's horrible. It's suffering 386 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,975 and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight 387 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,518 and then you put back on weight 388 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,687 and then you call them a bunch of times 389 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:52,023 and you try and email and then they move or they change their email, 390 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,608 but that's just love. 391 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,069 Do you realize that this is the first time 392 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:58,530 we've spoken for more than, like, 30 seconds? 393 00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,614 Uh-huh. 394 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,534 -It's kind of nice. -Come out with us this weekend. 395 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:06,037 No pressure. We'll just have a good time. 396 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,874 Okay, yeah, I will. I’ll give it a shot. 397 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,000 Great. 398 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,168 But I’m not going to have sex with anybody. 399 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,963 Good, sex should be the last thing on your mind. 400 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:20,135 (I got ants in my pants playing) 401 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,768 Logjam. Hi. 402 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:35,358 Shit. 403 00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:40,488 Oh, god. 404 00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:45,535 Sorry. 405 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,748 See you later. Thanks for the dance. 406 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:01,176 I’m okay. It's not right. 407 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,059 Oh, come on, bus! 408 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,984 Oh, come on, dogs! 409 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,031 Shit! You gotta be kidding me. 410 00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:43,134 I mean, I’m kind of nervous. I never had oral sex before. 411 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:47,889 Jennifer told me how to do it. It's gonna kick ass. 412 00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:53,853 (Screaming) 413 00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,689 What are you doing? 414 00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:57,357 -Okay, just... -We're almost there. 415 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:58,483 (Grunts) 416 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:01,361 We have one. Houston, we have one. 417 00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:04,364 You'll pull my fucking hair out! 418 00:22:04,615 --> 00:22:05,991 -We did it. -God! 419 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,826 Oh, my god, you came in your pants. 420 00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:10,787 -What did you do? -I had some cream of wheat. 421 00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:13,790 -You know what else is sexy? -What? 422 00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:15,834 -Me -yeah? 423 00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:17,127 Sucking 424 00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:21,006 on your 425 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:22,632 toe. 426 00:22:22,717 --> 00:22:24,592 -That's what you want to suck on? -Yeah. 427 00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:29,139 -It's just so big and thick. -Okay. 428 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:32,017 Yeah. 429 00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:34,936 (Laughing) 430 00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:36,021 That tickles. 431 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,147 (Screams) 432 00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:39,232 I’m sorry. Oh, no. 433 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:41,359 -Your nose is bleeding. -You think? 434 00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:43,820 -I’m sorry. -I’m hot! 435 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,156 But, now, you can't have any of this. 436 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:48,867 -Mmm-hmm. -You should just give up forever! 437 00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:50,660 (Exclaiming) 438 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,750 (Ain't no mountain high enough playing) 439 00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:59,419 Cal, what do you think? Ls this too yellow? 440 00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:00,545 No. 441 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,964 What's curious George like in real life? 442 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,257 Come on, man. 443 00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:06,634 (J.O.D.D. Playing) 444 00:23:13,976 --> 00:23:16,394 Wow, this is pretty crowded. 445 00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:19,564 Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night. 446 00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:22,150 Okay, look now. 447 00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:24,444 So, this is what's about to happen, all right? 448 00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:27,238 You about to go run down some drunk chicks, all right? 449 00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,741 And don't confuse that with tipsy. We talking about drunk. 450 00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,826 I want vomit in the hair, bruised-up knees. 451 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,411 A broken heel is a plus. 452 00:23:33,496 --> 00:23:34,996 That's what you want to find, okay? 453 00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,874 No, Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight. 454 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:38,958 And now he's gone, so... 455 00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:41,044 Dude, just stop thinking for a minute, all right? 456 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,754 You ain't got to think on this one. 457 00:23:42,838 --> 00:23:44,756 All you got to do is use your instinct. 458 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,174 Show me your instincts. 459 00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:49,094 My head, my heart. I follow my heart. 460 00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:51,346 Now, I’m gonna show you this one time, all right? 461 00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:54,641 Instincts. Show me your instincts. 462 00:23:54,725 --> 00:23:57,185 -Show me your instincts. -They're right here. 463 00:23:57,645 --> 00:23:59,562 Own your instincts. 464 00:23:59,647 --> 00:24:02,524 All you doing is using your instinct. That's it. 465 00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:05,401 That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. 466 00:24:05,486 --> 00:24:07,445 There's a code written in his DNA. 467 00:24:07,530 --> 00:24:09,114 -Lt says, "tackle the gazelle." -Okay. 468 00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:12,242 And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says, 469 00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:14,327 -"tackle drunk bitches." -No. 470 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:17,956 You know what, I don't feel comfortable 471 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,543 hitting on drunk "bitches," you know. 472 00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:22,794 I don't think that's right. 473 00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:23,878 Okay, hold up. 474 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:26,840 First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing. 475 00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:29,300 I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense. You did. 476 00:24:29,385 --> 00:24:30,969 Lt just does... This doesn't feel right. 477 00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:33,930 Of course it don't feel right. What has felt right for you doesn't work. 478 00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:36,599 You need to try some wrong, dawg. 479 00:24:38,936 --> 00:24:41,354 Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk? 480 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,148 Now you're talking. All right, check this out. 481 00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:45,024 -You see this redhead over here? -Where? 482 00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:48,653 -With the big old titties. -I’m not gonna stare at a woman. 483 00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:51,364 Dawg, I’m not telling you to stare at nobody. 484 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:54,242 I’m telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. 485 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:55,785 -See. Look. See? -Yeah. 486 00:24:56,245 --> 00:24:57,579 I’m not looking at you. 487 00:24:58,289 --> 00:25:00,874 -No. I’m looking at... -You're looking at her? 488 00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:06,337 -What do you want me to do? -I want you to use your peripherals. 489 00:25:06,714 --> 00:25:08,631 See? I’m not looking at you. 490 00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:13,928 Mmm-mmm. No. See, I’m looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties. 491 00:25:14,138 --> 00:25:17,015 You see her, racked up right there, see her? 492 00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:18,933 -Yes. -Yeah. 493 00:25:19,185 --> 00:25:22,437 -You find one with the peripherals. -Okay. 494 00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:25,940 You see, over by the post. 495 00:25:26,734 --> 00:25:27,942 Lt looks like a... 496 00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:29,736 It's either a ficus, 497 00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:31,571 it might be a rubber tree plant. 498 00:25:31,864 --> 00:25:34,699 All right, if you're making a joke, dawg, it's not funny. 499 00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:37,368 I see a blonde and she's very pretty. 500 00:25:37,453 --> 00:25:39,871 Better, okay. All right. 501 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,998 -Now with your peripherals -yeah. 502 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,542 You got to scope out a hot, drunk chick. 503 00:25:44,710 --> 00:25:46,044 And then you should make your move. 504 00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,962 -Okay? All right. -Yes. 505 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:50,965 And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot. 506 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,552 For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though. All the way. 507 00:25:55,846 --> 00:25:57,138 All peripherals. 508 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:05,772 That boy is stubborn. 509 00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:11,945 Hi, I’m Andy. You look comfortable. 510 00:26:12,446 --> 00:26:15,823 -Can I get you another cocktail? -Too drunk. 511 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:19,327 -But you got the right idea. -But clinically alive. 512 00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:22,455 -Hey! -Yo! 513 00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:24,916 I’m having trouble finding the drunk people. 514 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,252 -You want to know where there's one? -Yeah. 515 00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:31,172 I. I, captain yellow shirts. 516 00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:32,257 (Growls) 517 00:26:32,341 --> 00:26:34,425 Okay. Have a good one. 518 00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:35,718 -Yo! -What? 519 00:26:35,803 --> 00:26:38,930 I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party 520 00:26:39,014 --> 00:26:41,057 and they invited us to party with them. 521 00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:44,269 -Okay, that's good. -It's so good 522 00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:45,979 because no one is hornier than a girl 523 00:26:46,063 --> 00:26:48,690 who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy. 524 00:26:48,774 --> 00:26:50,191 It's so funny. 525 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,360 (Women whooping) 526 00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:58,157 So we just decided because this is my last night as a free woman 527 00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:01,202 before I marry Dan, that we would just wig out. 528 00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:03,037 We're wigging out! 529 00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:07,041 You guys are hilarious. 530 00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:09,585 Wait a minute. 531 00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:13,131 Yes, Mr. President. Yes, the erection results are in. 532 00:27:13,215 --> 00:27:14,340 (All laughing) 533 00:27:14,425 --> 00:27:17,218 Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Seuss' penis. 534 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,262 I really mean this. 535 00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,265 Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake? 536 00:27:22,808 --> 00:27:23,891 I do. 537 00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:27,478 -Cal: She does. -Hey, you guys, Betty cocker. 538 00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:29,647 (All laughing) 539 00:27:29,732 --> 00:27:31,190 What a good guy. What a... 540 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:33,192 Dan, the guy Robin's marrying, 541 00:27:33,277 --> 00:27:36,529 is such a good guy. 542 00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,197 He sounds like a good guy. 543 00:27:38,282 --> 00:27:41,034 I hated him for like two years 'cause he cheated on me. 544 00:27:41,118 --> 00:27:42,368 -Oh. -But 545 00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:47,415 he's really changed now. 546 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:51,753 -He's a really good guy now. -Your friends seem nice. 547 00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:54,339 You have really kind eyes, you know that? 548 00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:57,800 Thanks. Your hat has sequins. 549 00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:11,898 (Both tittering) 550 00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:14,317 -You have your hands on my belt. -What? 551 00:28:14,401 --> 00:28:16,402 -Your hands are on my belt. -I’m sorry. 552 00:28:16,487 --> 00:28:17,695 It's good. 553 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,530 You're cute. 554 00:28:19,948 --> 00:28:22,116 This is kind of lame. You wanna get out of here? 555 00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:24,369 Okay, yeah. So lame. 556 00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:30,291 -Yeah. -Fuck. 557 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:32,210 -Come on. -Okay. 558 00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:38,800 You wanna drive? 559 00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:41,427 I don't have a car with me here, so... 560 00:28:41,595 --> 00:28:43,846 That's cool, I’ll just suck it up. 561 00:28:44,056 --> 00:28:45,223 (Grunting) 562 00:28:45,432 --> 00:28:46,599 I’m driving. 563 00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:48,726 Are you drunk? 564 00:28:48,811 --> 00:28:50,395 No, I didn't have anything to drink. 565 00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:52,647 -Blow into this? -Okay. 566 00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:55,858 (Beeping) 567 00:28:57,778 --> 00:29:01,656 -What is this? -The judge recommended I get one. 568 00:29:02,491 --> 00:29:03,449 (Engine starting) 569 00:29:03,534 --> 00:29:06,411 (Get ur freak on playing on car stereo) 570 00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:11,791 Whoa, okay. Wow. That's fast. 571 00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:16,212 -Okay. -Come on, you're on a lasso. 572 00:29:16,338 --> 00:29:17,338 (Giggling) 573 00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:20,925 (Singing) Missy be putting' it down 574 00:29:21,009 --> 00:29:22,093 I'm the hottest round 575 00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:23,594 I told y'all mother-uhh 576 00:29:23,679 --> 00:29:24,971 y'all can't stop me now 577 00:29:25,055 --> 00:29:26,097 listen to me now 578 00:29:26,181 --> 00:29:27,432 I'm lasting' 20 rounds 579 00:29:27,516 --> 00:29:29,016 and if you want me people 580 00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:30,726 then come on get me now 581 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,815 and Dan's like, "you're such a b-l-t-c-h, bitch!" 582 00:29:35,899 --> 00:29:36,899 (Tires screeching) 583 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:39,610 And I’m like, "you're the bitch, bitch." 584 00:29:39,695 --> 00:29:41,446 -You know? -Uh-huh. Yeah. 585 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:43,239 Who's your name again? 586 00:29:43,699 --> 00:29:45,032 -Andy. -Andy. 587 00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:49,871 Let me tell you something, Andy. Don't ever be named Dan. 588 00:29:50,164 --> 00:29:52,915 Dan rhymes with man, and men jerk off. 589 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,292 And he was a jerk-off. 590 00:29:54,376 --> 00:29:57,086 -Do you know what I mean? -Look out! The car! 591 00:29:57,546 --> 00:30:00,506 -Wow. -I like you. 592 00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:02,425 You're not a Jack 593 00:30:04,094 --> 00:30:05,094 off. 594 00:30:05,679 --> 00:30:08,347 I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich or something. 595 00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:12,268 -You're cute. -No. 596 00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:21,694 -That tasted good. -That tasted like shellfish. 597 00:30:23,071 --> 00:30:25,823 Look out! Sorry. 598 00:30:26,867 --> 00:30:28,034 Watch it! 599 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,577 (Exclaiming) 600 00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:32,872 -Do you think I’m pretty? -Oh, yes. 601 00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:34,624 Oh, god, yes! 602 00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:40,421 -You're not looking at me. -Yes, you're pretty. 603 00:30:40,506 --> 00:30:43,174 Do you think I’m pretty? Look at me. 604 00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:46,302 -Look at me! -I’m looking! You're pretty! 605 00:30:46,386 --> 00:30:48,763 God, I just wanna live! 606 00:30:50,432 --> 00:30:52,975 God, I hope I get my period soon. 607 00:30:53,101 --> 00:30:56,604 -I am in a bad mood. -Okay. 608 00:30:56,688 --> 00:30:59,607 I’m so tired. 609 00:31:00,275 --> 00:31:01,859 Hey, whoa! 610 00:31:01,944 --> 00:31:02,902 (Glass shattering) 611 00:31:02,986 --> 00:31:05,446 Oh, god! Turn away! 612 00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:07,740 Hey, hands off the wheel. 613 00:31:09,451 --> 00:31:12,036 You're not gonna get in my pants acting like that. 614 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:13,663 I’m starving. 615 00:31:13,914 --> 00:31:16,457 Let's get some fucking French toast. 616 00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:18,334 (Tires screeching) 617 00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:22,129 -Okay, here we are. -Oh, god, we made it. 618 00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:23,589 Nicky: Home sweet home. 619 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,759 Oh, mommy! 620 00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:28,302 (Screeching) 621 00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:30,346 (Panting) 622 00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:34,225 -Are you okay? -The fucker came out of nowhere. 623 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:38,229 Okay. We're okay. 624 00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:39,480 (Laughing) 625 00:31:39,940 --> 00:31:40,940 (Crying) 626 00:31:41,024 --> 00:31:42,358 Are you okay? 627 00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:45,361 Well, are you... what's the matter? 628 00:31:49,199 --> 00:31:50,199 (Gasps) 629 00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:52,326 I’m sorry. 630 00:31:52,869 --> 00:31:56,330 That's okay. I think I kind of had that coming. 631 00:31:57,124 --> 00:31:59,250 I’ll still have sex with you if you want. 632 00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:02,378 You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on the sex, if you don't mind. 633 00:32:02,462 --> 00:32:04,964 At least I don't have to work out tomorrow. 634 00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:07,592 -Did you have a daiquiri tonight? -Yeah. 635 00:32:07,676 --> 00:32:08,676 I thought you might. 636 00:32:09,011 --> 00:32:10,636 Lt was a very bad night. 637 00:32:10,721 --> 00:32:11,929 (All laughing) 638 00:32:12,681 --> 00:32:13,723 Yeah, laugh. 639 00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:16,058 You know what, you guys wouldn't be laughing right now 640 00:32:16,143 --> 00:32:19,895 if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth. 641 00:32:19,980 --> 00:32:20,938 (Grunts) 642 00:32:21,023 --> 00:32:22,690 You know what, you're right, it's my bad. 643 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,734 Let me apologize to you first of all 644 00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:28,654 for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk woman 645 00:32:28,739 --> 00:32:31,407 who's falling down on her way out of the bar 646 00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:34,285 -that you should probably drive. -I drive a bike. 647 00:32:34,369 --> 00:32:37,955 Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong, who asked you to drive a bike? 648 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,166 You know what, I’m not the only person in the world 649 00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:41,417 who rides a bike. 650 00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:44,170 Yeah, everyone rides a bike, when they're fucking six. 651 00:32:44,254 --> 00:32:46,380 Why don't you kiss something? 652 00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:49,592 Because this is over, you guys, okay? 653 00:32:49,676 --> 00:32:51,302 Can I just interject for a second? 654 00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:52,803 (Stuttering) Let me just say 655 00:32:52,888 --> 00:32:55,264 you're putting the pussy up on this pedestal. 656 00:32:55,349 --> 00:32:56,849 You're just building the pussy up, man. 657 00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:58,309 What are you even talking about? 658 00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:00,353 "Building the pussy up," what does that mean? 659 00:33:00,437 --> 00:33:05,149 You making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia 660 00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:06,442 and what you're doing is 661 00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:10,029 you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. 662 00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:11,238 Yeah, I think you're right. 663 00:33:11,323 --> 00:33:13,282 I’m putting the pussy up on a pedestal. 664 00:33:13,367 --> 00:33:14,742 -Jay: Right. -That's it. 665 00:33:14,951 --> 00:33:16,744 It's "Pussalia," right? 666 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,288 -Look where you going. -I don't wanna say the word anymore. 667 00:33:19,373 --> 00:33:21,624 -Say what word? -"Pussy." I don't wanna say it. 668 00:33:21,708 --> 00:33:23,959 Fuck it. "Pussy" is a scientific word. 669 00:33:24,086 --> 00:33:26,170 Dude! New pants, man. 670 00:33:26,713 --> 00:33:27,797 You know what, Dave? 671 00:33:27,881 --> 00:33:30,341 You know, you said there wasn't gonna be any pressure at all. 672 00:33:30,425 --> 00:33:31,842 -I’m not pressuring you. -Excuse me. 673 00:33:31,927 --> 00:33:33,636 Can one of you guys help me, please? 674 00:33:33,762 --> 00:33:35,388 No hablo English, lady. 675 00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:39,058 I actually am helping a customer right now. 676 00:33:39,142 --> 00:33:41,519 -Okay, well... -I’m on break. 677 00:33:41,603 --> 00:33:44,146 But our stock supervisor is very knowledgeable. 678 00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:46,691 He can answer all of your questions and he'd love to help you. 679 00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:47,858 Thank you. 680 00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:49,735 -Have a nice day. -You, too. 681 00:33:50,487 --> 00:33:54,782 -Great, okay. Hi, I’m Trish. -Hi, Andy is my name. 682 00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:58,369 -This one looks pretty good. -You don't wanna buy that VCR. 683 00:33:58,453 --> 00:33:59,412 I don't? 684 00:33:59,496 --> 00:34:01,288 No, actually to be totally honest with you 685 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:02,707 you don't wanna buy any VCR. 686 00:34:02,791 --> 00:34:04,458 It's a dead technology. 687 00:34:04,543 --> 00:34:08,671 It's like getting an eight-track player. 688 00:34:08,755 --> 00:34:11,173 -Yeah. -Or a BetaMax. 689 00:34:11,383 --> 00:34:13,259 You know what, actually I’d recommend this one. 690 00:34:13,343 --> 00:34:17,471 This is a dual. You've got the VCR and DVD combo. 691 00:34:17,681 --> 00:34:21,225 So, you know, that technology would be probably pretty good for... 692 00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:22,601 -Six months or so? -Yeah. 693 00:34:22,686 --> 00:34:23,978 That's good. 694 00:34:24,146 --> 00:34:26,063 At best. Sorry. 695 00:34:26,189 --> 00:34:28,566 -No. -As good as it gets. 696 00:34:28,817 --> 00:34:29,900 Okay, that sounds good, then. 697 00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:30,985 Okay, all right. 698 00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:32,069 (Cal speaking Spanish) 699 00:34:32,154 --> 00:34:33,237 -It's perfect. -Sorry. 700 00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:34,613 Coming through. 701 00:34:34,990 --> 00:34:36,073 Okay. 702 00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,868 God, you know, it's so funny, I work right across the street 703 00:34:38,952 --> 00:34:40,369 and I’ve never been in this place. 704 00:34:40,454 --> 00:34:41,746 -Really? Where at? -Yeah. 705 00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:44,498 The "we sell your stuff on eBay" store. 706 00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:47,084 -Yes. -And that's the name? 707 00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:49,670 Yeah, I was looking for something, 708 00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:52,673 you know, obvious. So I chose that. 709 00:34:52,883 --> 00:34:55,259 I don't understand. So, what, you do what? 710 00:34:55,343 --> 00:34:57,303 Well, I take the stuff that you don't want 711 00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:59,472 and then I "sell" it on eBay. 712 00:34:59,556 --> 00:35:02,391 But you don't actually sell anything in the store? 713 00:35:03,185 --> 00:35:04,727 No. I don't. 714 00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:07,396 So why do you have a store? 715 00:35:07,481 --> 00:35:08,773 I don't know. 716 00:35:08,857 --> 00:35:12,109 No, I think it's because, you know, I wanna maybe look professionaI 717 00:35:12,194 --> 00:35:15,112 and not like a crazy person who's just gonna steal all your shit. 718 00:35:15,197 --> 00:35:17,573 Sure. I didn't mean anything by that. 719 00:35:17,657 --> 00:35:19,116 No, it's okay. 720 00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:22,953 You know what, you should come by sometime if you want, you know, 721 00:35:23,038 --> 00:35:24,747 see it for yourself, check it out. 722 00:35:24,831 --> 00:35:26,373 I’ll check out your empty store. 723 00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:28,793 Yeah, it's the one across the street that's not empty. 724 00:35:28,877 --> 00:35:30,169 (Laughing) 725 00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:32,838 Here's my number. So... 726 00:35:33,173 --> 00:35:35,633 -All right. -So, just anytime. 727 00:35:36,426 --> 00:35:39,845 Why do I need your number if you're across the street, though? 728 00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:43,349 I don't really have a good answer for that, Andy. I just... 729 00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:45,392 -Sorry. -Just giving it to you. 730 00:35:45,727 --> 00:35:48,813 So I’ll write you up, and I’ll meet you over at the register. 731 00:35:48,897 --> 00:35:50,523 -Okay. -And check you out... check out. 732 00:35:50,607 --> 00:35:51,941 -Okay, see you over there. -Okay. 733 00:35:52,025 --> 00:35:53,025 Okay. 734 00:35:53,485 --> 00:35:55,569 -Awful chatty. -Hey, 735 00:35:55,946 --> 00:35:58,030 look, I think she gave me her number. 736 00:35:58,114 --> 00:36:00,658 She wrote down her number, but I think she gave me her number. 737 00:36:00,742 --> 00:36:02,076 No, she gave you. Dude, man. 738 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,744 See, you still mad at me? 739 00:36:03,829 --> 00:36:05,663 -No, I was never. -Right, you see what I mean? 740 00:36:05,747 --> 00:36:07,665 Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man. Yeah. 741 00:36:07,749 --> 00:36:09,166 -This is pretty cool. -Yeah. 742 00:36:09,251 --> 00:36:11,168 -Unbelievable. -Come on, give him some credit, man. 743 00:36:11,253 --> 00:36:12,419 The man pulled a number. 744 00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:15,047 It's just... I was in... I can't believe that happened. 745 00:36:15,131 --> 00:36:16,590 What you did with you's own hand. 746 00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:18,843 Man, she just gave me her number. 747 00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:23,639 That's great, man. I’m telling you, love is a mysterious fig. 748 00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:24,723 Lt is. 749 00:36:24,808 --> 00:36:27,601 Okay, here's a question. When should I call her? 750 00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:29,478 -You like her? -Yeah. 751 00:36:29,563 --> 00:36:30,980 You definitely don't want to call her. 752 00:36:31,064 --> 00:36:32,690 When is the next Olympics? 753 00:36:32,774 --> 00:36:34,108 Jay: So what you just got to do is 754 00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:36,026 just get you a bunch of these hood rats, 755 00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:37,528 run through them, just knock them out. 756 00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:38,696 Boom, boom, boom. 757 00:36:38,780 --> 00:36:41,282 And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats, 758 00:36:41,366 --> 00:36:44,076 now you ready to go up to the upper Echelon type ho. 759 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,203 -You know what I mean? -I’m not a big ho runner. 760 00:36:46,288 --> 00:36:48,038 My uncle used to drive a ho runner. 761 00:36:48,123 --> 00:36:49,999 Screw these analogies. What he's saying is 762 00:36:50,083 --> 00:36:52,084 you are going to be so bad at sex the first time, 763 00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:54,211 you don't want to have sex with someone you like 764 00:36:54,296 --> 00:36:56,589 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. 765 00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:58,716 You want to have sex with hood rats first 766 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,885 so that by the time you get to the girl you do like 767 00:37:00,969 --> 00:37:04,430 you're not terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. 768 00:37:04,973 --> 00:37:06,432 Probably still pretty bad, though. 769 00:37:06,516 --> 00:37:08,517 Jay: Let's put it up for my man for pulling that number. 770 00:37:08,602 --> 00:37:10,936 -Way to go, man. -Politicked his ass off. 771 00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:13,314 -Cal: You did politic. -Thanks a lot. 772 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,816 Like a train, round the bend. You ready? 773 00:37:26,286 --> 00:37:27,328 (Clears throat) 774 00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:49,600 (Coughing) 775 00:37:49,684 --> 00:37:50,684 Yeah. 776 00:37:51,811 --> 00:37:52,978 -Andy: I can't. -Do it. 777 00:37:53,063 --> 00:37:54,688 -I can't pee in public. -Gotta do it. 778 00:37:54,773 --> 00:37:56,357 I’ve got a mental block about it. 779 00:37:56,441 --> 00:37:59,652 -Come on, do it. -I’m shy! 780 00:38:01,237 --> 00:38:02,988 (Shouting) 781 00:38:03,865 --> 00:38:06,533 I’m peeing in public! 782 00:38:06,826 --> 00:38:09,119 -Let me out. -I can't hear what you're saying. 783 00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,206 -I don't want to be in here. -It's a soundproof room. 784 00:38:12,499 --> 00:38:14,959 -Just learn the techniques. -Right on, man. 785 00:38:15,043 --> 00:38:16,043 (Woman moaning) 786 00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:17,962 You guys, this is not funny! 787 00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:30,766 (Sighing) 788 00:38:45,073 --> 00:38:46,532 (Telephone ringing) 789 00:38:49,285 --> 00:38:50,369 Hello. 790 00:38:50,495 --> 00:38:51,537 (Grunting) 791 00:38:56,876 --> 00:38:58,210 Hey, what you watching? 792 00:38:58,294 --> 00:39:00,421 -Dawn of the dead, man. -Great. 793 00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:02,756 The store is slow. Paula's gone. 794 00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:05,300 -Yo, is Paula back? -No. She's not here. 795 00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:07,553 She said we can't watch this in here. You sure? 796 00:39:07,637 --> 00:39:10,014 I know. Can I ask you something in confidence? 797 00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:12,141 I know this is gonna sound weird. 798 00:39:12,851 --> 00:39:14,351 Am I good-looking? 799 00:39:14,436 --> 00:39:16,603 Do you think a woman would find me attractive? 800 00:39:16,688 --> 00:39:18,230 Oh, my god! 801 00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:21,275 -Oh, my god, the blood just... -Okay, never mind. 802 00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:23,193 Wait, Andy. Hold up. 803 00:39:23,278 --> 00:39:26,238 Listen, this is embarrassing for me. This is hard to talk about. 804 00:39:26,322 --> 00:39:28,782 -Are you ready for my honest answer? -Yes. 805 00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:31,618 Yeah. I think you're a good-looking cat. 806 00:39:32,328 --> 00:39:33,871 I don't think that anybody knows it 807 00:39:33,955 --> 00:39:35,539 and I don't think anybody can see it. 808 00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:36,790 Well, that's why I’m asking you. 809 00:39:36,875 --> 00:39:39,376 You seem really well-groomed and really put together. 810 00:39:39,461 --> 00:39:42,337 I mean, look, dude. You think this was an accident? 811 00:39:42,672 --> 00:39:45,049 All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. 812 00:39:45,133 --> 00:39:48,510 You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough. 813 00:39:48,595 --> 00:39:50,304 You willing to make some sacrifices? 814 00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:51,430 Absolutely. 815 00:39:51,514 --> 00:39:54,308 You see that whole teen wolf thing you got going right there? 816 00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:56,226 You need to wax that right out. 817 00:39:56,311 --> 00:39:58,187 -Does it hurt? -No. Waxing don't hurt. 818 00:39:58,271 --> 00:40:00,397 I mean, not unless you're a bitch. You know what I mean? 819 00:40:00,482 --> 00:40:01,815 Lt didn't hurt me. I get it done all the time. 820 00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:02,900 (Screaming) 821 00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:04,276 What the fuck! 822 00:40:04,611 --> 00:40:05,819 (Exclaiming) 823 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,156 Fuck that nigger up! 824 00:40:09,991 --> 00:40:12,451 Bitch, get out of the room! 825 00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:17,414 Jay: This is gonna be good. 826 00:40:17,499 --> 00:40:19,708 -This the one right here, right? -Hi, how are you? 827 00:40:19,793 --> 00:40:21,919 So this is your first time getting body waxed? 828 00:40:22,003 --> 00:40:23,087 Yes, it is. 829 00:40:23,171 --> 00:40:25,255 -Take off your shirt. -Okay. 830 00:40:28,510 --> 00:40:30,594 We're gonna need more wax. 831 00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:33,013 I’m staying. This is gonna be good. 832 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:36,350 And clear all my appointments in the afternoon. 833 00:40:36,601 --> 00:40:37,935 Here we go. 834 00:40:38,269 --> 00:40:39,603 That feels warm. 835 00:40:42,732 --> 00:40:45,859 David: I like your sweater. Does that come in a v-neck? 836 00:40:47,195 --> 00:40:49,696 Cal: If she starts doing his pubes, I’m out of here. 837 00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:53,283 Jay: You gonna look good after this, man. 838 00:40:53,368 --> 00:40:54,576 Thanks, man. 839 00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:56,328 -So, ready? -Yeah. 840 00:40:57,872 --> 00:41:00,207 (Speaks foreign language) 841 00:41:01,209 --> 00:41:02,334 (Screaming) 842 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,294 You fucker! 843 00:41:05,421 --> 00:41:08,006 I’m sorry. That's just your job. 844 00:41:08,091 --> 00:41:11,552 -You want me to stop now? -No. It's okay. 845 00:41:13,054 --> 00:41:14,304 Let's do another one. 846 00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:15,973 That one little patch looks sexy though. 847 00:41:16,057 --> 00:41:18,142 -Does it look good? -Cal: Yeah, it looks really good. 848 00:41:18,226 --> 00:41:19,226 (Exclaiming) 849 00:41:19,310 --> 00:41:21,687 David: Lt looks man-tastic. 850 00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,064 Andy: Okay. 851 00:41:25,692 --> 00:41:29,319 Wow! I didn't expect that at all. I really didn't expect that. 852 00:41:30,071 --> 00:41:32,281 Jay: You got it. The first one is the only one that hurts. 853 00:41:32,365 --> 00:41:34,825 Yeah. Those hairs are pretty deep. 854 00:41:34,909 --> 00:41:35,993 Okay. 855 00:41:36,286 --> 00:41:37,911 -You ready? -Yup. 856 00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:39,580 (Speaks foreign language) 857 00:41:39,706 --> 00:41:41,415 (Screaming) 858 00:41:41,749 --> 00:41:43,500 Sucker motherfucker! 859 00:41:43,918 --> 00:41:46,211 You shithead! I hate you! 860 00:41:46,296 --> 00:41:48,088 I hate you so much! 861 00:41:49,257 --> 00:41:50,465 That one hurt. 862 00:41:50,550 --> 00:41:52,885 That one hurt just as much as the first one. 863 00:41:52,969 --> 00:41:54,970 -That's great, man. -Andy: Man! 864 00:41:55,096 --> 00:41:56,263 (Exhaling) 865 00:41:56,890 --> 00:41:59,141 One, two, three. 866 00:41:59,225 --> 00:42:00,225 (Grunting) 867 00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:04,313 Fuck me! 868 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:08,275 Ln the asshole! 869 00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:10,360 (Andy exclaiming) 870 00:42:10,445 --> 00:42:11,570 -I’m sorry. -I’m sorry. 871 00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:13,238 I really don't swear this much. 872 00:42:13,323 --> 00:42:14,698 You know what, I got a weak stomach. 873 00:42:14,782 --> 00:42:16,491 That's all I can really take. I’ll see y'all. 874 00:42:16,576 --> 00:42:19,036 -Andy: Jay. -Be tough, Andy, you got it. 875 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,205 Andy: Where did Jay go? David: He went to throw up. 876 00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:22,581 -Ready? -Yup. 877 00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:24,374 One, two. 878 00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:25,500 (Gasping) 879 00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,836 Cocksucker motherfucker! 880 00:42:27,962 --> 00:42:29,630 You pulled on two. 881 00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:32,549 Why didn't you pull on three? 882 00:42:32,634 --> 00:42:33,967 Freddy pie hole! 883 00:42:34,135 --> 00:42:35,510 (Andy exclaiming in Spanish) 884 00:42:35,678 --> 00:42:37,596 No! Kelly Clarkson! 885 00:42:38,056 --> 00:42:39,723 (Screaming) 886 00:42:42,602 --> 00:42:43,602 Y'all done or y'all... 887 00:42:43,686 --> 00:42:44,686 (Andy screaming) 888 00:42:44,771 --> 00:42:46,146 -That's fucked up. -Andy: Oh, shit balls! 889 00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:47,606 That's fucked up. 890 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,277 I hate you. 891 00:42:52,362 --> 00:42:54,738 Stop smiling, you jerk! 892 00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:55,989 You pussy. 893 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,158 Oh, god. What's next? 894 00:42:58,534 --> 00:43:00,744 -You're doing the nipple. -Cal: Not the nipple. 895 00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:02,579 -Come on. -Not the nipple. 896 00:43:02,664 --> 00:43:04,331 Please, Cal, hold my hand. 897 00:43:04,749 --> 00:43:07,542 -You kidding me, man? -Hold my goddamn hand, man. 898 00:43:08,127 --> 00:43:10,379 Do it! Just hold. Okay, here we go. 899 00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:11,505 (Exhaling) 900 00:43:11,631 --> 00:43:12,673 Woman: Ready? 901 00:43:13,341 --> 00:43:14,633 Andy: No. Yup. 902 00:43:14,717 --> 00:43:16,677 Woman: One, two, three. 903 00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:19,638 (Screaming) Nipple fuck! 904 00:43:21,015 --> 00:43:23,475 Mika, you should burn in hell! 905 00:43:23,935 --> 00:43:26,603 Okay, all right. No, seriously, I think I'm done. 906 00:43:26,688 --> 00:43:29,022 I think we're done. I think that's good. 907 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:30,440 (Exhaling) 908 00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:32,484 You know what, guys, 909 00:43:32,568 --> 00:43:35,112 this is not a good look for me! 910 00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:37,322 You look like a man-o'-lantern. 911 00:43:37,407 --> 00:43:39,366 -Thank you very much. Appreciate it. -Thank you. 912 00:43:54,674 --> 00:43:55,882 (Screaming) 913 00:43:58,928 --> 00:44:00,637 Cal: Thank you very much. Woman: You're welcome. 914 00:44:00,722 --> 00:44:02,389 -Thank you. -Thanks. 915 00:44:02,849 --> 00:44:04,891 Andy, I owe you an apology, man. 916 00:44:04,976 --> 00:44:08,395 I wasn't very nice to you for the past two-and-a-half years. 917 00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:09,604 You were nice to me. 918 00:44:09,689 --> 00:44:12,316 No, I was... I thought you were really boring and 919 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,776 I kind of thought you were a serial killer. 920 00:44:14,861 --> 00:44:15,861 (Laughs) 921 00:44:16,029 --> 00:44:17,404 I’m not joking. 922 00:44:17,947 --> 00:44:20,824 -Hey! -Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry. 923 00:44:20,908 --> 00:44:23,201 Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these. 924 00:44:23,286 --> 00:44:25,287 I could hurl it off the balcony, it would be fine. 925 00:44:25,371 --> 00:44:27,247 -Yeah. Lt will be fine. -We couldn't break this 926 00:44:27,332 --> 00:44:28,498 -if we tried. -No problem. 927 00:44:28,583 --> 00:44:30,667 Look, you shouldn't listen to Dave and Jay, okay? 928 00:44:30,752 --> 00:44:33,712 Those guys are crazy. You should listen to me, okay? 929 00:44:33,796 --> 00:44:36,715 Look, there is a hot-ass girl who works right there. 930 00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:39,676 There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man. 931 00:44:42,388 --> 00:44:44,056 Something wrong with her underpants. 932 00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:45,599 Cal: Yeah, they're not in my mouth. 933 00:44:45,683 --> 00:44:47,642 You know, I kind of 934 00:44:49,062 --> 00:44:51,229 like the woman from the eBay store. 935 00:44:51,314 --> 00:44:52,356 That's great, but 936 00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:53,690 you're not gonna get with anyone 937 00:44:53,775 --> 00:44:55,400 unless you play the odds on this, man. 938 00:44:55,485 --> 00:44:57,319 You need to plant a lot of seeds. 939 00:44:57,445 --> 00:45:00,072 It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized 940 00:45:00,156 --> 00:45:01,156 (tinkling) 941 00:45:01,449 --> 00:45:04,576 -That the more seeds I planted -thank you. 942 00:45:04,786 --> 00:45:06,870 The more pot I could ultimately smoke. 943 00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:10,165 I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now. 944 00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:11,333 Don't get bitter. 945 00:45:11,417 --> 00:45:14,461 I’m not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay? 946 00:45:14,545 --> 00:45:16,338 That was Jay's idea, okay? 947 00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:18,924 And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is 948 00:45:19,008 --> 00:45:21,510 like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? 949 00:45:21,594 --> 00:45:25,222 Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. 950 00:45:25,306 --> 00:45:28,308 I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards 951 00:45:28,393 --> 00:45:30,852 but I get with women. 952 00:45:30,937 --> 00:45:33,063 Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? 953 00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:35,524 I am not ugly as fuck. 954 00:45:35,608 --> 00:45:37,109 I didn't say you were ugly as... 955 00:45:37,193 --> 00:45:38,902 -Well, you implied it. -Okay. 956 00:45:38,986 --> 00:45:41,571 Lt doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. 957 00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:44,699 It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that 958 00:45:44,826 --> 00:45:48,245 because I observe, because I am a novelist. 959 00:45:48,913 --> 00:45:50,705 What? You never told me that before. 960 00:45:50,790 --> 00:45:53,500 That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy. 961 00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:56,294 Okay? The problem most men have is 962 00:45:56,546 --> 00:45:57,921 they don't know how to talk to women. 963 00:45:58,005 --> 00:46:01,716 You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. 964 00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:04,511 What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?" 965 00:46:04,971 --> 00:46:06,513 "I’m an accomplished ventriloquist?" 966 00:46:06,681 --> 00:46:10,100 "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master." 967 00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,351 (Exclaims) 968 00:46:11,436 --> 00:46:13,270 Do me, yo-yo master. 969 00:46:13,354 --> 00:46:17,023 I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy. 970 00:46:17,233 --> 00:46:18,525 Are you done? Listen. 971 00:46:18,609 --> 00:46:20,360 The problem most men have is 972 00:46:20,486 --> 00:46:23,864 they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women. 973 00:46:24,365 --> 00:46:27,325 Just ask a question, okay? That's it. 974 00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:30,537 Because women do not care about what you have to say 975 00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:32,164 at all anyway, you know. 976 00:46:32,248 --> 00:46:34,207 And all they want to do is talk about themselves. 977 00:46:34,292 --> 00:46:35,917 So you're just gonna let them do that. 978 00:46:36,002 --> 00:46:37,627 Okay? So remember. 979 00:46:37,712 --> 00:46:40,964 Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick. 980 00:46:41,048 --> 00:46:44,217 Here, be David Caruso in Jade. 981 00:46:44,802 --> 00:46:46,970 Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. 982 00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:48,555 You do. That's good. 983 00:46:50,266 --> 00:46:51,683 Cal: There she is. 984 00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,229 Go plant that seed, man. 985 00:46:56,689 --> 00:46:58,440 Plant it with your finger. 986 00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:12,245 Can I help you? 987 00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:15,790 I don't know. Can you? 988 00:47:17,502 --> 00:47:19,461 Are you looking for something? 989 00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:23,507 Ls there something I should be looking for? 990 00:47:24,926 --> 00:47:26,134 (Laughs) 991 00:47:28,095 --> 00:47:29,638 We have a lot of books. 992 00:47:29,722 --> 00:47:32,807 So, maybe it depends on what you like. 993 00:47:37,939 --> 00:47:39,439 What do you like? 994 00:47:39,607 --> 00:47:43,109 We have a great section of 995 00:47:43,569 --> 00:47:45,028 do-it-yourself. 996 00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:47,489 Do you like to "do it yourself"? 997 00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:50,700 Sometimes. I mean, 998 00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:54,829 if the mood strikes. 999 00:47:56,082 --> 00:47:58,124 How is the mood striking you now? 1000 00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:00,126 (Laughing) 1001 00:48:01,754 --> 00:48:02,963 (Tittering) 1002 00:48:05,216 --> 00:48:08,468 What's your name? 1003 00:48:08,594 --> 00:48:10,637 I’m Beth. 1004 00:48:13,474 --> 00:48:16,977 Andy. 1005 00:48:19,605 --> 00:48:22,190 -Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? -I won't. 1006 00:48:23,943 --> 00:48:26,278 Unless you want to be told on, 1007 00:48:27,029 --> 00:48:28,029 Beth. 1008 00:48:30,950 --> 00:48:32,576 Wow. That totally worked! 1009 00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:34,661 I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating. 1010 00:48:34,745 --> 00:48:36,580 I would've thought you were doing that for years. 1011 00:48:36,664 --> 00:48:38,456 -Should I have asked her out? -No. That's the key. 1012 00:48:38,541 --> 00:48:39,958 You wait for it to grow into a plant 1013 00:48:40,042 --> 00:48:41,459 and then you fuck the plant. 1014 00:48:45,631 --> 00:48:46,673 Okay. 1015 00:48:47,550 --> 00:48:48,800 This is easy. 1016 00:48:49,552 --> 00:48:50,885 All right. 1017 00:48:51,387 --> 00:48:54,014 Hello, Trish. How you doing? What's going on? 1018 00:48:54,432 --> 00:48:55,432 (Laughing) 1019 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:56,766 Good joke. 1020 00:48:56,892 --> 00:48:58,643 This is a fun conversation. 1021 00:48:58,728 --> 00:49:01,104 Just grow a backbone and call her. 1022 00:49:01,230 --> 00:49:04,190 She asked you to call her. She wants you to call her. 1023 00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:10,905 (Telephone ringing) 1024 00:49:10,990 --> 00:49:13,617 -Hello. -Hey, how you doing? 1025 00:49:15,828 --> 00:49:17,621 -How you doing? -I'm well. 1026 00:49:18,039 --> 00:49:19,497 Who is this? 1027 00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:23,293 -This is James. -James. Do I know you, James? 1028 00:49:23,377 --> 00:49:24,669 (Grunting) 1029 00:49:24,754 --> 00:49:26,796 I was wondering whether you had a few minutes 1030 00:49:26,881 --> 00:49:28,757 to talk about a little laundry detergent. 1031 00:49:28,841 --> 00:49:31,134 Are you a telemarketer, James? 1032 00:49:31,218 --> 00:49:32,218 Yep. 1033 00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:33,720 Are you at the top of a tall building? 1034 00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:36,139 Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off! 1035 00:49:36,223 --> 00:49:37,349 I mean, you people are sick. 1036 00:49:37,433 --> 00:49:39,225 Get a real fucking job, why don't you? 1037 00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:40,852 Go shoot yourself in the fucking head. 1038 00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:43,772 Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? 1039 00:49:43,856 --> 00:49:45,231 Why don't you do that, huh? 1040 00:49:45,316 --> 00:49:46,608 -Okay. -I'll see you later, James. 1041 00:49:46,692 --> 00:49:50,028 -Nice to talk to you. -Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye. 1042 00:49:51,822 --> 00:49:52,822 (Exclaims) 1043 00:49:52,907 --> 00:49:54,115 (Doorbell ringing) 1044 00:49:56,035 --> 00:49:58,411 Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you. 1045 00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:02,457 -Can I come in? -Yeah. 1046 00:50:03,292 --> 00:50:04,334 (Sighs) 1047 00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:06,336 Sweet video game chair. 1048 00:50:10,174 --> 00:50:11,466 So what's in the box? 1049 00:50:11,550 --> 00:50:13,927 It's my personal collection of erotica. 1050 00:50:14,387 --> 00:50:15,512 I want to give it to you. 1051 00:50:15,596 --> 00:50:18,515 I think there might be a few tapes in there that just might open up 1052 00:50:18,599 --> 00:50:20,100 Pandora’s box of love. 1053 00:50:20,184 --> 00:50:21,184 Okay. 1054 00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:24,104 Amy and I, we used to watch Harry Twatter 1055 00:50:24,397 --> 00:50:25,689 and we'd put it on the television 1056 00:50:25,773 --> 00:50:27,691 and then act it out as it was going on 1057 00:50:27,775 --> 00:50:29,401 and it was... 1058 00:50:31,362 --> 00:50:32,904 She's adorable. 1059 00:50:33,739 --> 00:50:35,156 Fucking bitch. 1060 00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:37,409 Well, you know, this is really gracious and kind 1061 00:50:37,493 --> 00:50:38,618 and generous and everything. 1062 00:50:38,703 --> 00:50:41,329 But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment. 1063 00:50:41,414 --> 00:50:43,832 I have some really great stuff in here. 1064 00:50:43,916 --> 00:50:46,292 Really great movies in here, man. 1065 00:50:46,669 --> 00:50:48,211 Hey, did you ever see school of rock? 1066 00:50:48,295 --> 00:50:49,713 -Yeah. -Well, this is... 1067 00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:51,548 It's called school of... 1068 00:50:51,799 --> 00:50:52,924 You know... 1069 00:50:53,134 --> 00:50:56,511 -That's nice. -But it stars Jack black cock. 1070 00:50:56,804 --> 00:50:58,638 That makes sense. 1071 00:50:58,723 --> 00:51:00,557 Dude, here it is. 1072 00:51:00,641 --> 00:51:03,184 Boner jams '03. It's a mixed tape I made. 1073 00:51:03,269 --> 00:51:07,355 All these great scenes that I was really into in the summer of 2003. 1074 00:51:07,648 --> 00:51:10,400 -I think you'd really dig it. -Yeah. Now I can see that. 1075 00:51:10,484 --> 00:51:12,026 This is 1076 00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:13,987 everybody loves Raymond. 1077 00:51:14,071 --> 00:51:15,363 That's probably not supposed to be... 1078 00:51:15,448 --> 00:51:17,073 This is a good show. I just tape it sometimes. 1079 00:51:17,158 --> 00:51:19,117 Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave. 1080 00:51:19,201 --> 00:51:23,663 I don't want this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much. 1081 00:51:23,789 --> 00:51:25,749 -What, masturbate? -Yeah. 1082 00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,252 Dude, I’ve jacked it twice since I’ve been here. 1083 00:51:29,336 --> 00:51:32,422 -Are you kidding me? Why not? -It's not a hobby of mine. 1084 00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:34,841 Well, then, that's the only hobby you don't have. 1085 00:51:34,925 --> 00:51:37,302 No, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable talking about... 1086 00:51:37,386 --> 00:51:38,470 You need to. You're wound up. 1087 00:51:38,554 --> 00:51:40,138 You're like one of these action figures, 1088 00:51:40,222 --> 00:51:41,931 all hermetically sealed in your box. 1089 00:51:42,016 --> 00:51:44,392 -You gotta play with... -Don't! 1090 00:51:44,477 --> 00:51:45,560 Don't take it out! 1091 00:51:45,644 --> 00:51:48,271 I’m sorry. You know what, it's just... 1092 00:51:48,397 --> 00:51:50,982 Lt loses its value if you take it out of its packaging. 1093 00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:54,194 I’m just saying, let it out. Give it some air, man. Play with it. 1094 00:51:54,361 --> 00:51:57,030 -Take your porn with you. -I’m not taking it. 1095 00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:58,782 Take your box-o-porn. 1096 00:51:58,866 --> 00:52:01,659 -It's my gift to you. -No. I don't want it. 1097 00:52:01,911 --> 00:52:03,077 David, it's not... 1098 00:52:03,162 --> 00:52:04,204 Andy, for the last time, 1099 00:52:04,288 --> 00:52:06,122 I don't want your giant box of pornography. 1100 00:52:06,207 --> 00:52:08,541 No, no, no! Come on, man. 1101 00:52:08,793 --> 00:52:10,084 So uncool. 1102 00:52:10,711 --> 00:52:11,878 Uncool? 1103 00:52:12,922 --> 00:52:16,716 Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy. 1104 00:52:17,718 --> 00:52:21,679 David: For the last time, I don't want to watch school of cockwith you. 1105 00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:36,402 (Hello playing) 1106 00:53:31,750 --> 00:53:33,626 It's nothing official. 1107 00:53:34,753 --> 00:53:37,755 Just a little token of my appreciation. 1108 00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:42,176 (Tape forwarding) 1109 00:53:46,140 --> 00:53:47,348 (Woman moaning) 1110 00:53:49,518 --> 00:53:50,518 (Sighs) 1111 00:53:58,527 --> 00:54:01,654 Hi, Andy. I’m gonna talk dirty to you. 1112 00:54:01,947 --> 00:54:06,159 I want to have lots of sexy sex with you. 1113 00:54:06,493 --> 00:54:10,622 (Ln man's voice) I want to touch your big, fat noodle 1114 00:54:10,748 --> 00:54:14,459 'cause I want to have naughty intercourse with you. 1115 00:54:14,668 --> 00:54:18,796 I want you to put your penis on, I mean, in me, Andy. 1116 00:54:18,881 --> 00:54:21,966 I want to do lots of, lots of sexy, 1117 00:54:22,217 --> 00:54:25,053 hot things with you. Shit. 1118 00:54:25,137 --> 00:54:28,389 This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say 1119 00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:30,683 because I am you. 1120 00:54:30,768 --> 00:54:31,768 (Exclaiming) 1121 00:54:32,561 --> 00:54:33,937 Andy: Okay. New tape. 1122 00:54:36,190 --> 00:54:39,025 Nothing is ever good enough and it's always our fault. 1123 00:54:39,109 --> 00:54:40,944 Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that. 1124 00:54:41,028 --> 00:54:42,904 -You do. -She's not my mother. 1125 00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:47,075 (Traffic humming) 1126 00:54:47,785 --> 00:54:49,869 I heard Dave gave you the box of porn. 1127 00:54:50,579 --> 00:54:51,579 Yeah, he did. 1128 00:54:53,123 --> 00:54:54,832 You ever watch, like, prime time live 1129 00:54:54,917 --> 00:54:56,793 when they take a black light into a hotel room 1130 00:54:56,877 --> 00:54:59,420 and show you all the semen all over the bedspread? 1131 00:55:00,297 --> 00:55:01,297 Yeah. 1132 00:55:02,049 --> 00:55:03,716 You blind someone with that box. 1133 00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:06,636 Could see that thing from space. 1134 00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,642 This right here, you looking at the Bentley of big screen TVs. 1135 00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:14,644 I’m talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce of big screen... 1136 00:55:14,728 --> 00:55:15,728 (Exclaiming) 1137 00:55:16,689 --> 00:55:19,190 Sometimes, I think these butterflies are in here. 1138 00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:21,651 I think he might be fooling us all, though. 1139 00:55:21,735 --> 00:55:22,694 Really? 1140 00:55:22,778 --> 00:55:24,612 I actually think he might be, like, some genius 1141 00:55:24,697 --> 00:55:26,948 and this is like some big, like, hilarious... 1142 00:55:27,032 --> 00:55:29,993 Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to kick up some shit 1143 00:55:30,077 --> 00:55:31,285 so he told us all he's a virgin. 1144 00:55:31,370 --> 00:55:33,162 You're seeing a lot of stuff that's not there. 1145 00:55:33,247 --> 00:55:35,456 You're just projecting all over him. 1146 00:55:35,874 --> 00:55:37,542 He might be an idiot savant 1147 00:55:37,626 --> 00:55:40,628 but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep. 1148 00:55:40,713 --> 00:55:41,879 But he's got a great body. 1149 00:55:41,964 --> 00:55:44,382 -Would you fuck him? -Ln a New York minute. 1150 00:55:44,466 --> 00:55:46,134 -You would fuck him? -Absolutely. 1151 00:55:48,387 --> 00:55:50,596 Hey, Andy, what are you doing for lunch? 1152 00:55:50,681 --> 00:55:52,849 I don't know. I have a Turkey sandwich. 1153 00:55:52,933 --> 00:55:55,768 We're gonna go around the corner. I think you should come with us. 1154 00:55:55,853 --> 00:55:58,646 There's this great place. A lot of cute girls. 1155 00:55:59,064 --> 00:56:00,523 I don't know. Okay. 1156 00:56:01,442 --> 00:56:03,359 We brought you a shirt. 1157 00:56:03,777 --> 00:56:06,154 This place is pretty fancy. 1158 00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:07,822 Something going on? 1159 00:56:07,990 --> 00:56:10,116 Hey, who's ready to have some fun? 1160 00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:11,534 (People cheering) 1161 00:56:11,910 --> 00:56:13,286 Hey, guys... 1162 00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:14,662 (Man chattering) 1163 00:56:14,747 --> 00:56:17,206 No, don't ignore me. I know what this is. 1164 00:56:17,291 --> 00:56:19,792 Within one hour, you'll each have 20 dates. 1165 00:56:19,877 --> 00:56:23,087 Don't... please don't do this. I saw this on prime time live. 1166 00:56:23,255 --> 00:56:25,048 All right, ninja master. 1167 00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:27,091 We've given you all the advice we have to give. 1168 00:56:27,176 --> 00:56:28,217 Now you gonna put it in action. 1169 00:56:28,302 --> 00:56:30,303 Advice? You guys all gave me different advice. 1170 00:56:30,637 --> 00:56:32,805 -He thinks you're a pothead. -I am. 1171 00:56:32,890 --> 00:56:35,808 Dude. Hey, partner. What are you whining about? 1172 00:56:35,976 --> 00:56:38,144 -You asked for this shit. -No, I didn't. 1173 00:56:38,228 --> 00:56:40,063 Will you just quit whining like a bitch? 1174 00:56:40,147 --> 00:56:42,648 -I’m not whining like a bitch. -You are whining like a bitch. 1175 00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:45,902 And you about to cram like 10 years of pimpage into one day. 1176 00:56:45,986 --> 00:56:48,863 -I don't want to cram pimpage. -Partner, after that 1177 00:56:49,031 --> 00:56:50,823 you on my level. Come on. 1178 00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:53,326 -Cal: Just ask questions. -This is a bad idea. 1179 00:56:53,494 --> 00:56:54,494 (Buzzing) 1180 00:56:54,995 --> 00:56:56,079 (People chattering) 1181 00:56:56,163 --> 00:56:57,413 -Woman: Hi. -Hi. How are you? 1182 00:56:57,498 --> 00:56:58,706 I’m fine. 1183 00:57:00,084 --> 00:57:01,292 Are you fine? 1184 00:57:02,127 --> 00:57:03,169 Yeah. 1185 00:57:04,046 --> 00:57:05,671 You're fine then? 1186 00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:09,550 Are you fucking retarded? What the hell's the matter with you? 1187 00:57:09,635 --> 00:57:10,927 Do you want me to be fucking retarded? 1188 00:57:11,011 --> 00:57:12,053 (Buzzer sounding) 1189 00:57:12,137 --> 00:57:14,889 When I look into the eyes of the children and the parents 1190 00:57:14,973 --> 00:57:16,099 and they are smiling and saying, 1191 00:57:16,183 --> 00:57:18,559 "thank you, Dr. Montalban, you saved my child," 1192 00:57:18,644 --> 00:57:19,977 it was worth it. 1193 00:57:20,062 --> 00:57:21,145 (Buzzer sounding) 1194 00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:24,023 Amy, 1195 00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:26,526 -what are you doing here? -David. 1196 00:57:28,112 --> 00:57:30,446 -And you are Gina? -Gina. 1197 00:57:30,531 --> 00:57:32,198 -Hey, what's up? -Nothing. 1198 00:57:32,366 --> 00:57:34,909 Look, I’m going to be real honest with you. 1199 00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:37,453 It's been a long time since I’ve been with a man. 1200 00:57:37,538 --> 00:57:40,206 Spent a lot of time with the ladies. 1201 00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:42,708 Looking to get back up on that pogo stick. 1202 00:57:42,793 --> 00:57:44,752 -You know what I’m saying? -Excuse me. 1203 00:57:44,837 --> 00:57:48,798 Remember that time when we made love and you cried in my arms? 1204 00:57:48,882 --> 00:57:51,300 Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked, please. 1205 00:57:51,385 --> 00:57:53,219 -It's so creepy. -Let's go to Paris. 1206 00:57:53,303 --> 00:57:56,139 I want to take you underneath the Eiffel Tower and make love to you. 1207 00:57:56,223 --> 00:57:57,473 -Cut it out. -Cut what out? 1208 00:57:57,558 --> 00:58:00,101 This, going to Paris! We've been broken up for like two years, man. 1209 00:58:00,185 --> 00:58:01,602 I don't want to date you anymore. 1210 00:58:01,687 --> 00:58:03,396 -You're a whore. -I am not a whore, all right? 1211 00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:04,981 Just 'cause I didn't like you. 1212 00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:06,149 This is so us. 1213 00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:07,233 (Laughs) 1214 00:58:07,317 --> 00:58:08,317 (Snickering) 1215 00:58:08,402 --> 00:58:10,027 -Psycho talk. -What? 1216 00:58:10,112 --> 00:58:11,946 -You're a good-looking man. -Thank you. 1217 00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:14,407 Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. 1218 00:58:14,491 --> 00:58:16,993 You're real feminine, you know, which is good for me 1219 00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:19,704 because that would be a simple sort of transition. 1220 00:58:19,788 --> 00:58:20,997 You know what I’m saying? 1221 00:58:21,081 --> 00:58:24,208 Maybe throw a little Rouge on you, tuck your sac back. 1222 00:58:24,293 --> 00:58:25,835 -You game? -No. 1223 00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:26,919 (Buzzer sounding) 1224 00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:30,715 You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay? 1225 00:58:30,799 --> 00:58:33,676 Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy. 1226 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,804 I moved, I changed my e-mail address, my phone number. 1227 00:58:36,889 --> 00:58:38,264 He's practically stalking me. 1228 00:58:38,348 --> 00:58:40,850 Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry. 1229 00:58:41,018 --> 00:58:42,018 (Buzzer sounding) 1230 00:58:42,102 --> 00:58:43,186 I love Minnesota. 1231 00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:45,855 Woman: I grew up in a town outside of Minneapolis 1232 00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:48,774 with a population of, like, 500 people. Really small. 1233 00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:51,110 Yeah, it's like the land of a thousand lakes. 1234 00:58:51,195 --> 00:58:53,946 What about you? You're used to, like, a really big city. 1235 00:58:54,031 --> 00:58:56,240 Really... god, yes. 1236 00:58:57,409 --> 00:59:00,745 The town that I grew up in was really small. I mean, 1237 00:59:00,871 --> 00:59:03,706 you know, it was just so safe. There was no crime. 1238 00:59:03,790 --> 00:59:07,084 I mean, a girl could just walk from one end of town to the other 1239 00:59:07,169 --> 00:59:10,004 and just, you know, feel completely safe. 1240 00:59:10,714 --> 00:59:11,881 (Coughing) 1241 00:59:11,965 --> 00:59:13,007 (Buzzer sounding) 1242 00:59:13,091 --> 00:59:14,342 Jay: She wasn't as hot as now. 1243 00:59:14,426 --> 00:59:16,844 Spank bank has once again been filled. 1244 00:59:18,055 --> 00:59:19,347 Cal: I’ll tell you who's the hottest. 1245 00:59:19,431 --> 00:59:22,516 You're gonna think I’m crazy, but I’m gonna tell you. Gina. 1246 00:59:22,935 --> 00:59:25,978 Can't get Va-Gina out of my head. Va-Gina all week. 1247 00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:37,240 -You know what's a fun game? -Huh? 1248 00:59:37,324 --> 00:59:39,158 You take three Excedrin PMs 1249 00:59:39,243 --> 00:59:41,702 and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep. 1250 00:59:41,787 --> 00:59:43,412 (Sighing) 1251 00:59:43,956 --> 00:59:46,499 You always win is the best part about the game. 1252 00:59:49,461 --> 00:59:50,836 -Jill: Are you Andy? -Yeah. 1253 00:59:50,921 --> 00:59:52,755 Ls this yours? Did you write this stuff? 1254 00:59:52,839 --> 00:59:55,675 My girlfriend, Jill, found your speed-dating card. 1255 00:59:56,343 --> 00:59:57,635 Yeah, right. 1256 00:59:57,719 --> 01:00:00,137 God, I’ve been looking for that speed-dating card. 1257 01:00:00,222 --> 01:00:01,722 Thank you so much for bringing it to me. 1258 01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:03,724 So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like 1259 01:00:03,809 --> 01:00:05,977 she was "hurting for a squirting"? 1260 01:00:06,311 --> 01:00:08,980 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting, I wrote that. 1261 01:00:09,064 --> 01:00:11,399 So you wrote "ho fo sho." 1262 01:00:12,192 --> 01:00:14,694 Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho. 1263 01:00:15,362 --> 01:00:16,570 Fo sho. 1264 01:00:16,989 --> 01:00:18,823 Let me show you how this device works. 1265 01:00:18,907 --> 01:00:20,616 Right, I’m just looking for a cordless phone. 1266 01:00:20,701 --> 01:00:23,452 Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries. 1267 01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:27,206 It's like, hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I’m great. 1268 01:00:27,332 --> 01:00:29,959 I feel fantastic since we broke up. 1269 01:00:30,502 --> 01:00:32,128 I feel awesome! 1270 01:00:32,212 --> 01:00:34,839 Can you just show me the department where there would be phones? 1271 01:00:34,923 --> 01:00:37,383 How have you been? What's been going on... 1272 01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:40,261 I bet... hey, have you been doing a lot of this? 1273 01:00:41,555 --> 01:00:42,888 Sir, please, sir. 1274 01:00:42,973 --> 01:00:44,432 You are never gonna meet anybody 1275 01:00:44,516 --> 01:00:47,143 with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch. 1276 01:00:47,227 --> 01:00:48,978 Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? 1277 01:00:49,062 --> 01:00:50,688 I’ve never even met you. 1278 01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:52,982 So why don't you back the shit off, all right? 1279 01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:55,067 And stop with the inquisition. 1280 01:00:55,277 --> 01:00:56,444 That's how you talk? 1281 01:00:56,528 --> 01:00:58,279 You know what, I don't have to answer to you. 1282 01:00:58,363 --> 01:00:59,989 You ain't my bitch. 1283 01:01:00,073 --> 01:01:01,615 Know what I saying? 1284 01:01:01,700 --> 01:01:04,160 So, shit, man. Fuck it. 1285 01:01:04,244 --> 01:01:06,120 You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. 1286 01:01:06,204 --> 01:01:08,331 I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it. 1287 01:01:08,415 --> 01:01:10,082 I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, 1288 01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,250 he made a fool of himself. 1289 01:01:11,335 --> 01:01:13,002 I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me. 1290 01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:15,296 You should keep your ho on a leash. 1291 01:01:15,380 --> 01:01:17,006 -Bro, I can't let you... -Hey. 1292 01:01:17,090 --> 01:01:19,258 I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg. 1293 01:01:19,343 --> 01:01:21,510 -Know what I’m saying? -Bitch is running wild, man. 1294 01:01:21,595 --> 01:01:24,805 You miss that ass? That's the ass of a free man. 1295 01:01:24,890 --> 01:01:27,224 That ass is going out tonight, maybe to a club. 1296 01:01:27,309 --> 01:01:28,893 Maybe to a night club. 1297 01:01:29,102 --> 01:01:30,394 Hey, Andy, 1298 01:01:30,479 --> 01:01:32,813 -take a look at your pal. -Oh, my god. 1299 01:01:32,898 --> 01:01:35,441 Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy. 1300 01:01:35,525 --> 01:01:36,901 Isn’t that sweet? 1301 01:01:36,985 --> 01:01:38,361 I’m gonna send David home for the day 1302 01:01:38,445 --> 01:01:39,695 and you're gonna fill in for him. 1303 01:01:39,780 --> 01:01:41,489 -What? Selling things? -You got that right. 1304 01:01:41,573 --> 01:01:42,615 I don't think that's a good idea. 1305 01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:44,367 And you're gonna have to talk to people, too. 1306 01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:46,077 I know that's a frightening concept to you 1307 01:01:46,161 --> 01:01:47,370 but I think you can handle it. 1308 01:01:47,454 --> 01:01:49,205 So get out there and start selling some shit. 1309 01:01:49,289 --> 01:01:50,664 ...thing for Amy. 1310 01:01:50,957 --> 01:01:52,375 -Hold it. -Check it out. 1311 01:01:52,459 --> 01:01:53,876 David: I miss her. 1312 01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:55,669 (Music playing) 1313 01:01:56,755 --> 01:01:58,714 Dude, the floor's the ultimate aphrodisiac. 1314 01:01:58,799 --> 01:02:00,549 All you got to do is go make your pick now. 1315 01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:03,010 -Come on, man. -Okay. 1316 01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:05,763 And you could act a little enthused about it. 1317 01:02:05,847 --> 01:02:06,972 Yeah. 1318 01:02:08,350 --> 01:02:11,560 Jay: That's right. That's right. Gazelle in the pink top. 1319 01:02:12,813 --> 01:02:14,730 -Jay: Oh, shit. -Hi. 1320 01:02:14,815 --> 01:02:16,565 Andy: Looks like you're checking out digital cameras. 1321 01:02:16,650 --> 01:02:18,526 You know what, he ain't going to do it willingly. 1322 01:02:18,610 --> 01:02:21,445 No. We need to, like, really facilitate things a bit more. 1323 01:02:21,530 --> 01:02:23,072 -Yo, Andy. -Andy: Yeah. 1324 01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:24,657 What's up, dude? This is Jay, man. 1325 01:02:24,741 --> 01:02:25,991 Hey, Jay. 1326 01:02:26,118 --> 01:02:27,535 I am throwing a party tonight. 1327 01:02:27,619 --> 01:02:29,328 It's gonna be real mellow, just chilled up. 1328 01:02:29,413 --> 01:02:30,538 Now, you really need to be there. 1329 01:02:30,622 --> 01:02:33,165 It's gonna be really, really colorful. 1330 01:02:33,667 --> 01:02:35,000 Are you free? 1331 01:02:35,836 --> 01:02:36,919 Yeah, I think so. 1332 01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:39,380 That was a joke, man. I know you're free. 1333 01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:41,048 -I’m okay. -Gotta go, man. 1334 01:02:41,133 --> 01:02:42,341 All right, bye. 1335 01:02:45,011 --> 01:02:47,138 So, tell me, Montel, 1336 01:02:47,514 --> 01:02:50,558 why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Qaeda? 1337 01:02:50,642 --> 01:02:51,725 No, hold up. 1338 01:02:51,810 --> 01:02:53,978 -No, no. -It's not that kind of party, y'all. 1339 01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:56,105 You're not coming to our fucking party either, okay? 1340 01:02:56,189 --> 01:02:57,231 Fuck you, okay? 1341 01:02:57,315 --> 01:02:59,066 First of all, it ain't that kind of party. 1342 01:02:59,151 --> 01:03:01,026 -Go fuck a goat. -Yeah. 1343 01:03:01,153 --> 01:03:02,945 Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man? 1344 01:03:03,029 --> 01:03:04,155 Mooj: Fuck a goat! 1345 01:03:06,575 --> 01:03:07,992 (Elevator bell dings) 1346 01:03:09,870 --> 01:03:11,120 (Music playing on stereo) 1347 01:03:11,204 --> 01:03:12,413 (Knocking on door) 1348 01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:25,217 Hello? 1349 01:03:27,053 --> 01:03:28,220 Hello. 1350 01:03:29,848 --> 01:03:31,557 Hello. Hi. 1351 01:03:32,517 --> 01:03:35,060 -Are you here for Jay's party? -Yes. 1352 01:03:35,437 --> 01:03:37,062 I am Jay's party. 1353 01:03:38,899 --> 01:03:41,984 You know what, hiring a transvestite prostitute isn't helping me, man. 1354 01:03:42,068 --> 01:03:44,320 What? Ain't nobody hired no damn transvestite. 1355 01:03:44,404 --> 01:03:45,446 What are you talking about? 1356 01:03:45,530 --> 01:03:47,323 She was really nice, incidentally. 1357 01:03:47,407 --> 01:03:49,158 If that sister was a transvestite 1358 01:03:49,242 --> 01:03:51,327 that was the Mona Lisa of transvestites. 1359 01:03:51,411 --> 01:03:53,287 You got a Hummer from the tranny, didn't you? 1360 01:03:53,371 --> 01:03:56,665 You know, aren't we owed one now? 'Cause technically we paid her. 1361 01:03:56,750 --> 01:03:58,083 She had a dick, man. 1362 01:03:58,168 --> 01:03:59,835 Do you guys even like me? 1363 01:03:59,920 --> 01:04:03,339 Or is this some sort of cruel joke that you're all in on? 1364 01:04:03,423 --> 01:04:05,716 Because I’m not a freak. I’m a good person. 1365 01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:09,303 I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but 1366 01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:11,889 I think that he's rocking the shit in this one. 1367 01:04:11,973 --> 01:04:13,682 Shut up, Dave! 1368 01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:17,645 Hold up. Let's just chill on the aggression for a minute. 1369 01:04:18,063 --> 01:04:19,438 Beth: Look at him. 1370 01:04:19,773 --> 01:04:22,149 He is such a bad ass. 1371 01:04:22,776 --> 01:04:26,237 -He looks just like Luke Wilson. -Woman: Mmm-hmm. 1372 01:04:26,321 --> 01:04:28,030 So you saying she was definitely a man? 1373 01:04:28,114 --> 01:04:29,156 Yes. 1374 01:04:29,241 --> 01:04:31,325 Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man? 1375 01:04:31,409 --> 01:04:34,328 Because her hands were as big as Andre the giant's. 1376 01:04:34,746 --> 01:04:37,456 And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. 1377 01:04:38,124 --> 01:04:39,625 So you have no proof. 1378 01:04:39,834 --> 01:04:41,669 You know what? Just leave me alone. 1379 01:04:41,753 --> 01:04:43,796 Just stay away from me. Or I’m gonna tell Paula 1380 01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,382 that you're all stealing the recordable CDs. 1381 01:04:46,466 --> 01:04:49,134 -Come on. -That's like we were paid to do it. 1382 01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:51,262 We did this 'cause we're your friends 1383 01:04:51,346 --> 01:04:54,098 and we didn't think you have the balls to do it yourself. 1384 01:04:54,182 --> 01:04:55,474 -Really? -David: Yeah. 1385 01:04:55,684 --> 01:04:57,017 Okay, watch this. 1386 01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:58,686 Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man. 1387 01:04:58,770 --> 01:05:00,980 That's a third strike for me, dawg. 1388 01:05:05,068 --> 01:05:06,151 (Brakes screech) 1389 01:05:06,236 --> 01:05:07,361 (Man shouting) 1390 01:05:18,748 --> 01:05:19,748 (Grunts) 1391 01:05:21,042 --> 01:05:22,376 (Bells chiming) 1392 01:05:24,254 --> 01:05:25,296 Hi. 1393 01:05:26,006 --> 01:05:28,173 -Andy. Hi. -Right, yeah. 1394 01:05:28,341 --> 01:05:29,967 -You remember my name. -I did. 1395 01:05:30,051 --> 01:05:32,553 -How you doing? -I’m great. I like your store. 1396 01:05:32,679 --> 01:05:35,264 That's good, yeah. If you have time, look around. It's... 1397 01:05:35,348 --> 01:05:36,432 Okay. 1398 01:05:36,933 --> 01:05:38,100 How's business been? 1399 01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:41,145 You know, it's coming along. I mean, it takes a while. 1400 01:05:41,229 --> 01:05:44,273 -Do you want to go out sometime? -Yes. 1401 01:05:44,816 --> 01:05:47,276 Yes, I would like that. That would be great. 1402 01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:51,113 I think I’m maybe free this weekend, if that's okay. 1403 01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:53,991 Or you could call me tomorrow and we can just firm it up. 1404 01:05:54,075 --> 01:05:55,618 -Okay. Great. -Great. 1405 01:05:55,702 --> 01:05:59,288 Okay, so I’ll call you, and yeah, that'll be good. 1406 01:05:59,372 --> 01:06:00,831 -How you doing? -Congratulations. 1407 01:06:00,915 --> 01:06:02,833 Okay, so I’ll... yeah. 1408 01:06:03,168 --> 01:06:04,460 Can I help you? 1409 01:06:04,544 --> 01:06:07,046 Yeah, these are wonderful. I’ll take these. 1410 01:06:07,213 --> 01:06:10,883 Thanks, they are. They're great. The goldfish just crack me up. 1411 01:06:11,009 --> 01:06:12,009 Funny. 1412 01:06:12,093 --> 01:06:13,177 -Yeah, they are. -(Laughing) Yeah. 1413 01:06:13,261 --> 01:06:14,303 -Yeah. -They're cute. 1414 01:06:14,387 --> 01:06:17,765 I don't actually sell anything here. I just sell them on eBay. 1415 01:06:18,433 --> 01:06:19,725 I don't get it. 1416 01:06:19,893 --> 01:06:20,893 Okay. 1417 01:06:21,061 --> 01:06:23,979 -Can you help me? -No, you're on your own here. 1418 01:06:24,064 --> 01:06:27,191 Good luck to you, and to you. And I’ll give you a call. 1419 01:06:27,275 --> 01:06:30,277 -Great. Nice to see you. -Great. Thanks for coming in. 1420 01:06:30,862 --> 01:06:31,904 Trish: Bye. 1421 01:06:32,614 --> 01:06:34,531 So, I guess I'll just give you some money 1422 01:06:34,616 --> 01:06:37,159 and you can give me these shoes and... 1423 01:06:37,243 --> 01:06:39,912 You know, I know it seems so strange. 1424 01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:42,665 Yes. I’d just rather buy them from you straight up. 1425 01:06:42,749 --> 01:06:44,667 Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but... 1426 01:06:44,751 --> 01:06:48,003 I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. 1427 01:06:48,088 --> 01:06:50,214 I’m just trying to get these shoes back to my house 1428 01:06:50,298 --> 01:06:51,548 so I can wear them. 1429 01:06:52,133 --> 01:06:54,802 Cal: I got a corpse in my way. David: Look out. Just kill it. 1430 01:06:54,886 --> 01:06:57,930 Cal: That's just so not fair that you have blades and... 1431 01:06:58,056 --> 01:06:59,890 I’m telling you, man, I feel great. 1432 01:06:59,974 --> 01:07:02,017 I’m so... It's like a weight has been lifted. 1433 01:07:02,102 --> 01:07:05,688 Celibacy is the way to go, man. Andy had it right, you know? 1434 01:07:05,772 --> 01:07:07,648 Look at him. He looks younger than all of us 1435 01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:08,982 but he's 1 0 years older. 1436 01:07:09,067 --> 01:07:11,568 Why? Because he's never had a relationship. 1437 01:07:11,861 --> 01:07:14,530 No she-devil sucked his life force out yet. 1438 01:07:24,791 --> 01:07:26,917 (Telephone ringing) 1439 01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,215 -Hello? -Hey. Hi. Hello. 1440 01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:34,842 Ls this Trish? 1441 01:07:35,593 --> 01:07:37,761 -Who's calling, please? -This is Andy. 1442 01:07:37,846 --> 01:07:40,055 -Hi, Andy. -Hi, how you doing? 1443 01:07:40,140 --> 01:07:43,100 -I’m good. How're you doing? -I’m doing great. 1444 01:07:43,893 --> 01:07:47,146 -Cal: So you're gay, now? -No, I’m not gay. I’m just celibate. 1445 01:07:47,856 --> 01:07:49,857 I think... I mean, that sounds gay. 1446 01:07:49,941 --> 01:07:52,818 I just want you to know that this is the first conversation 1447 01:07:52,902 --> 01:07:56,321 of three conversations that leads to you being gay. 1448 01:07:56,781 --> 01:07:59,366 There's this and then in a year it's like, "you know, 1449 01:07:59,451 --> 01:08:02,578 "I’m kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys." 1450 01:08:02,662 --> 01:08:05,497 And then there's the big, "I’m a gay guy now." 1451 01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:08,250 -You're gay for saying that. -I’m gay for saying that? 1452 01:08:08,334 --> 01:08:10,919 -You know how I know you're gay? -How? How do you know I'm gay? 1453 01:08:11,004 --> 01:08:13,464 'Cause you macraméd yourself a pair of jean shorts. 1454 01:08:13,548 --> 01:08:14,631 You know how I know you're gay? 1455 01:08:14,716 --> 01:08:16,800 You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore. 1456 01:08:16,885 --> 01:08:18,427 -You know how I know you're gay? -How? 1457 01:08:18,511 --> 01:08:21,597 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are? 1458 01:08:21,681 --> 01:08:23,182 -Do you know how I know you're gay? -How? 1459 01:08:23,266 --> 01:08:24,725 You like Cold Play. 1460 01:08:25,435 --> 01:08:26,769 You're dead. 1461 01:08:26,936 --> 01:08:28,103 (Both groaning) 1462 01:08:28,188 --> 01:08:29,229 Cal: Come on. 1463 01:08:29,314 --> 01:08:31,273 Leave my torso alone at least. 1464 01:08:32,150 --> 01:08:33,567 I also wanted to call 1465 01:08:33,651 --> 01:08:36,361 and see what night you might want to go out. 1466 01:08:36,529 --> 01:08:38,322 I’m actually free tonight. 1467 01:08:40,325 --> 01:08:43,702 Okay. Well, no, I was thinking maybe this weekend, but that's good. Okay. 1468 01:08:43,787 --> 01:08:44,787 Great. 1469 01:08:44,871 --> 01:08:47,331 Okay, what time do you want to pick me up? 1470 01:08:48,374 --> 01:08:49,708 Let's see. 1471 01:08:50,502 --> 01:08:54,087 That's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike. 1472 01:08:54,631 --> 01:08:55,756 That's cool. Are you kidding me? 1473 01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:57,466 I love getting on the back of a motorcycle. 1474 01:08:57,550 --> 01:09:00,385 My boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle. 1475 01:09:00,470 --> 01:09:02,262 So, I mean, I'm cool. 1476 01:09:02,347 --> 01:09:06,433 Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bicycle. 1477 01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:09,144 You know how I know that you're gay? 1478 01:09:09,229 --> 01:09:10,312 How? 1479 01:09:10,396 --> 01:09:12,648 You like the movie maid in Manhattan. 1480 01:09:12,732 --> 01:09:14,233 -You know how I know you're gay? -How? 1481 01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:17,486 I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once. 1482 01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:19,321 -You know how I know you're gay? -How? 1483 01:09:19,405 --> 01:09:22,115 You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, 1484 01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:24,409 "I love it when balls are in my face." 1485 01:09:24,494 --> 01:09:25,577 Cal: That's gay? 1486 01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:27,037 God damn it! 1487 01:09:27,413 --> 01:09:30,040 I’m ripping your head off right now. It's off. 1488 01:09:30,124 --> 01:09:32,626 And now I’m throwing it at your body. 1489 01:09:33,545 --> 01:09:34,586 Cal: Fuck you! 1490 01:09:35,964 --> 01:09:37,089 You guys, 1491 01:09:37,882 --> 01:09:40,050 she's picking me up in an hour. 1492 01:09:41,094 --> 01:09:42,719 Oh, drag, dude. 1493 01:09:43,263 --> 01:09:45,514 -She's picking you up from here? -Yeah. 1494 01:09:45,598 --> 01:09:47,140 That's fucked up, man. 1495 01:09:47,225 --> 01:09:48,851 -Why? -Why? 1496 01:09:49,561 --> 01:09:52,980 Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man. 1497 01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:56,775 You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? 1498 01:09:56,860 --> 01:09:59,194 What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. 1499 01:09:59,279 --> 01:10:01,697 -He's got a billion toys. -So what? 1500 01:10:01,781 --> 01:10:04,533 And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. 1501 01:10:04,617 --> 01:10:06,159 It's all right. 1502 01:10:06,786 --> 01:10:09,621 Ls that the six million dollar man's boss? 1503 01:10:09,956 --> 01:10:11,081 It's Oscar Goldman. 1504 01:10:11,165 --> 01:10:13,375 -Why do you have that? -That's worth a lot of money. 1505 01:10:13,459 --> 01:10:15,419 That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. 1506 01:10:15,503 --> 01:10:19,756 Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay? 1507 01:10:19,841 --> 01:10:21,550 I’m not trying to be sexy, man. 1508 01:10:21,634 --> 01:10:23,176 I mean, seriously, Asia. 1509 01:10:23,261 --> 01:10:25,095 You framed an Asia poster? 1510 01:10:25,179 --> 01:10:27,180 How hard did the people at the frame store laugh 1511 01:10:27,265 --> 01:10:29,266 -when you brought this in? -They did not laugh at me. 1512 01:10:29,350 --> 01:10:31,226 Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia. 1513 01:10:31,311 --> 01:10:32,561 You guys cool it with the gay. 1514 01:10:32,645 --> 01:10:34,479 You know, she's on her way over here, okay? 1515 01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:36,273 First, you relax, okay? 1516 01:10:36,357 --> 01:10:39,651 Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do. 1517 01:10:39,736 --> 01:10:41,904 Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing 1518 01:10:41,988 --> 01:10:43,071 and we move it out of here. 1519 01:10:43,156 --> 01:10:45,032 So it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch. 1520 01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:53,790 -Hi. -Hi. How are you? 1521 01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:54,917 Good. 1522 01:10:55,001 --> 01:10:56,960 So, you wanna head out? 1523 01:10:57,045 --> 01:10:58,921 Did you just move in or something? 1524 01:10:59,005 --> 01:11:01,256 No. Actually I’m getting new carpet in. 1525 01:11:01,341 --> 01:11:03,717 I’m having carpet put in tomorrow, so... 1526 01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:06,428 -Well, you know. -Yeah. 1527 01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,180 -Okay. -Looks good with the floors. 1528 01:11:08,264 --> 01:11:09,681 -Yeah. -All right. 1529 01:11:10,183 --> 01:11:11,475 I should tear up the hard wood 1530 01:11:11,559 --> 01:11:13,685 and see if there's carpet underneath. 1531 01:11:13,770 --> 01:11:15,646 That's never the case. 1532 01:11:18,983 --> 01:11:20,609 -Trish: This is gonna be fun. -Yes. 1533 01:11:20,693 --> 01:11:22,611 You know, I drive by this place every day. 1534 01:11:22,695 --> 01:11:24,404 I’ve never been in before. 1535 01:11:25,031 --> 01:11:26,281 I’m glad you came. 1536 01:11:26,366 --> 01:11:29,618 You know, I never really go out with nice guys like you. 1537 01:11:30,536 --> 01:11:33,413 I think I’ve avoided nice guys like you my whole life 1538 01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:34,957 at my own peril. 1539 01:11:36,834 --> 01:11:39,378 -My last boyfriend drank a lot. -Mmm-hmm. 1540 01:11:39,462 --> 01:11:41,254 -And so... -This is just punch. 1541 01:11:41,339 --> 01:11:42,339 (Laughing) 1542 01:11:42,423 --> 01:11:44,132 No, it's okay. A little bit's fine. 1543 01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:46,468 Buddha punch. I need some Buddha. 1544 01:11:47,095 --> 01:11:49,554 Excuse me, miss. Could you gather your team 1545 01:11:49,639 --> 01:11:52,391 and sing happy birthday for my daughter, please? 1546 01:11:54,227 --> 01:11:56,186 (Singing in Chinese) 1547 01:12:07,448 --> 01:12:09,032 (All cheering) 1548 01:12:10,827 --> 01:12:13,537 -That was so good. What? -That was great. Happy birthday. 1549 01:12:13,621 --> 01:12:15,580 -It's your birthday, too? -No. 1550 01:12:15,665 --> 01:12:17,749 -It's his birthday, too. -No, no, no. 1551 01:12:17,834 --> 01:12:20,419 Could you sing for him and bring him a cake? 1552 01:12:20,503 --> 01:12:22,004 Man: Happy birthday. 1553 01:12:22,213 --> 01:12:24,089 (Singing in Chinese) 1554 01:12:25,425 --> 01:12:26,717 (Inaudible) 1555 01:12:36,060 --> 01:12:38,437 -Thanks a lot. -Happy birthday, Andy. 1556 01:12:54,662 --> 01:12:57,873 -You really like kissing, don't you? -Yes. 1557 01:12:58,249 --> 01:12:59,541 (Trish laughing) 1558 01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:01,877 I really do. 1559 01:13:01,961 --> 01:13:03,712 Take off your pants, okay? 1560 01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:06,590 -Okay. -Okay. 1561 01:13:09,093 --> 01:13:11,428 -Wow, this is really gonna happen. -Oh, yeah. 1562 01:13:11,512 --> 01:13:12,971 Thank god. 1563 01:13:14,390 --> 01:13:17,559 -Okay, I’m taking off my pants. -Yeah. 1564 01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:19,519 Do you need some help? 1565 01:13:19,771 --> 01:13:23,231 I think I almost got them. It's hooked on my ankle. 1566 01:13:23,900 --> 01:13:25,484 Wow, that's... 1567 01:13:25,693 --> 01:13:26,943 (Panting) 1568 01:13:27,028 --> 01:13:28,862 Hey, wait. Do you have protection? 1569 01:13:28,946 --> 01:13:30,614 I don't like guns. 1570 01:13:30,948 --> 01:13:32,199 (Laughing) 1571 01:13:33,493 --> 01:13:35,077 That's funny. 1572 01:13:35,161 --> 01:13:37,496 I have condoms right here. Okay? 1573 01:13:37,580 --> 01:13:39,414 -Okay. -There's, you know... 1574 01:13:39,499 --> 01:13:42,584 Check the expiration date because they were from when I was married. 1575 01:13:42,668 --> 01:13:45,462 And we didn't have sex that often. That's why there are so many, okay? 1576 01:13:45,546 --> 01:13:46,671 Okay. 1577 01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:52,385 I got them. 1578 01:13:54,764 --> 01:13:56,389 How does this go? 1579 01:13:56,891 --> 01:14:01,603 Okay. "Roll over the tip and down onto the base." 1580 01:14:03,523 --> 01:14:05,065 Over the balls? 1581 01:14:05,817 --> 01:14:07,192 Lt doesn't say. 1582 01:14:10,238 --> 01:14:12,447 Do you mind if I use your "Magnum"? 1583 01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:14,616 Yeah. 1584 01:14:16,494 --> 01:14:18,453 Wow. You got to be kidding. 1585 01:14:19,413 --> 01:14:20,872 I am Aquaman. 1586 01:14:22,875 --> 01:14:24,334 What is that? 1587 01:14:28,589 --> 01:14:29,589 (Grunting) 1588 01:14:33,761 --> 01:14:35,220 (Coughing) 1589 01:14:39,725 --> 01:14:40,767 (Condom bursts) 1590 01:14:40,852 --> 01:14:41,852 (Yelps) 1591 01:14:42,562 --> 01:14:43,603 Mom? 1592 01:14:43,688 --> 01:14:44,646 (Marla exclaiming) 1593 01:14:44,730 --> 01:14:45,897 What's going on here? 1594 01:14:45,982 --> 01:14:47,899 -Who the hell are you? -It's Andy. 1595 01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,025 Hi, I’m Andy. 1596 01:14:49,110 --> 01:14:50,610 God! What are you doing? 1597 01:14:50,695 --> 01:14:52,696 Marla, get the fuck out of my room! 1598 01:14:52,780 --> 01:14:53,822 You know what... 1599 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:56,449 I cannot believe that you're allowed to have sex when I’m not! 1600 01:14:56,534 --> 01:14:58,451 -That is so unfair. -I’m gonna head out. 1601 01:14:58,536 --> 01:14:59,536 Trish: You should go. 1602 01:14:59,620 --> 01:15:02,581 Oh, Jesus! How many times did you just do it? 1603 01:15:02,665 --> 01:15:03,790 Oh, my god! 1604 01:15:03,875 --> 01:15:05,000 (Groaning) 1605 01:15:06,252 --> 01:15:07,752 I’m so sorry. 1606 01:15:14,719 --> 01:15:16,636 Dude, teach me. 1607 01:15:26,939 --> 01:15:27,898 Man: Hotline. 1608 01:15:27,982 --> 01:15:31,443 Hi, yes, I’m calling because it's more than four hours 1609 01:15:31,527 --> 01:15:34,487 and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours. 1610 01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:36,615 How much of the medicine have you taken, sir? 1611 01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:40,160 I haven't taken any, but your ad said 1612 01:15:40,244 --> 01:15:43,580 that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call. 1613 01:15:44,165 --> 01:15:47,626 You're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine. 1614 01:15:48,294 --> 01:15:51,004 Okay. I’m sorry. I must not have heard that part. 1615 01:15:51,088 --> 01:15:53,465 Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine, you don't call. 1616 01:15:53,549 --> 01:15:55,717 Right. I’m sorry. Right. 1617 01:15:55,801 --> 01:15:57,928 So, there's nothing you can do? 1618 01:15:58,012 --> 01:15:59,804 -I just don't wanna... -There's nothing I can do. 1619 01:15:59,889 --> 01:16:01,640 I'm in Bombay, India. 1620 01:16:02,225 --> 01:16:04,392 Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want, 1621 01:16:04,810 --> 01:16:06,436 I just don't want to have an erection anymore. 1622 01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:07,562 (Laughs) 1623 01:16:07,647 --> 01:16:11,024 -You know, you could have sex. -Okay. Yup. 1624 01:16:11,859 --> 01:16:15,570 That's one thing people do when they have an erection. 1625 01:16:15,655 --> 01:16:18,156 Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex. 1626 01:16:18,282 --> 01:16:20,575 Okay, well, then you can masturbate. 1627 01:16:20,660 --> 01:16:22,327 I’d rather not masturbate. 1628 01:16:22,495 --> 01:16:25,455 If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match, 1629 01:16:25,539 --> 01:16:29,709 blow out the flame and put the hot Ember on your wrist. 1630 01:16:30,503 --> 01:16:32,337 And that will focus the brain elsewhere 1631 01:16:32,463 --> 01:16:34,965 -and you will lose your erection. -Really? That'd work? 1632 01:16:35,174 --> 01:16:37,884 Take your finger and flick your testicle 1633 01:16:37,969 --> 01:16:39,344 and if you do that till it hurts 1634 01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:41,513 -your erection will go away. -Okay, all right. 1635 01:16:41,639 --> 01:16:43,098 It sounds unpleasant and it is. 1636 01:16:43,182 --> 01:16:45,392 It is a trick we use in India. 1637 01:16:45,476 --> 01:16:48,687 Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it. 1638 01:16:49,021 --> 01:16:50,855 We appreciate your business. 1639 01:16:51,274 --> 01:16:53,441 Oh, no. We didn't get your business... 1640 01:16:53,526 --> 01:16:56,736 No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you. 1641 01:17:06,455 --> 01:17:07,539 (Sighing) 1642 01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:10,542 (Exclaiming) 1643 01:17:17,049 --> 01:17:18,341 (Sighing) 1644 01:17:24,223 --> 01:17:25,265 (Exclaims) 1645 01:17:25,558 --> 01:17:28,226 My goodness, Andy, you are a terrific salesman. 1646 01:17:28,311 --> 01:17:30,645 -Thank you. -Gosh, you really got it down. 1647 01:17:30,730 --> 01:17:32,397 -Thanks. -And your numbers are good. 1648 01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:33,481 Thanks. 1649 01:17:33,566 --> 01:17:35,442 I’m going to put you out on the floor full time. 1650 01:17:35,526 --> 01:17:36,484 -Really? -Yeah. 1651 01:17:36,569 --> 01:17:37,610 Wow. Okay. 1652 01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:39,779 Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt and tie, all right? 1653 01:17:39,864 --> 01:17:40,905 Great. Thanks. 1654 01:17:40,990 --> 01:17:43,825 You know, Andy, I’ve been thinking about your problem. 1655 01:17:43,909 --> 01:17:46,036 I think I might have a solution for you. 1656 01:17:47,163 --> 01:17:50,248 You ever heard of the term "fuck buddy"? 1657 01:17:52,168 --> 01:17:53,251 What? 1658 01:17:53,336 --> 01:17:55,795 It's a special friend 1659 01:17:56,672 --> 01:17:57,922 who you fuck. 1660 01:17:58,966 --> 01:18:01,051 No, haven't heard that term. 1661 01:18:01,135 --> 01:18:04,095 When I was a little girl, I developed early. 1662 01:18:04,764 --> 01:18:07,807 By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at. 1663 01:18:07,892 --> 01:18:10,935 -Can you imagine that? -I don't want to, no. 1664 01:18:11,562 --> 01:18:14,606 Well, needless to say, a lot of male attention. 1665 01:18:14,690 --> 01:18:15,857 Like men, yes. 1666 01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:19,944 Especially from our Guatemalan gardener, Javier. 1667 01:18:20,112 --> 01:18:21,237 Okay. 1668 01:18:21,614 --> 01:18:23,323 You know, Javier, 1669 01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:28,953 before he made passionate yet gentle love to me for the first time 1670 01:18:30,331 --> 01:18:34,334 he serenaded me with a beautiful old Guatemalan love song. 1671 01:18:34,418 --> 01:18:36,086 Really, that's... 1672 01:18:36,587 --> 01:18:38,713 That sounds nice. 1673 01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:40,673 (Singing in Spanish) 1674 01:19:06,367 --> 01:19:07,450 Okay. 1675 01:19:08,911 --> 01:19:10,161 My goodness. 1676 01:19:10,621 --> 01:19:12,831 -I think we better get back to work. -Yeah. 1677 01:19:12,915 --> 01:19:15,250 -Yeah, I better go back to work. -Yeah. 1678 01:19:15,334 --> 01:19:17,168 -So, okay. -All right. 1679 01:19:17,253 --> 01:19:19,045 So, you mull it over and I’ll talk to you soon. 1680 01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:21,339 -All right, I will. Thank you. -Okay. 1681 01:19:23,008 --> 01:19:24,008 (Gasps) 1682 01:19:26,137 --> 01:19:29,097 What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish? 1683 01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:31,307 -Lt was a disaster. -Really? 1684 01:19:31,392 --> 01:19:34,185 Yes. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life. 1685 01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:36,604 Couldn't get the condoms to work. 1686 01:19:36,689 --> 01:19:39,107 And one of them exploded on my balls. 1687 01:19:39,817 --> 01:19:41,568 And then her kid walked in the room. 1688 01:19:41,652 --> 01:19:42,694 Wait. Hold up. 1689 01:19:42,778 --> 01:19:44,154 She was hiding the kid from you, dawg? 1690 01:19:44,238 --> 01:19:45,572 You know what, it doesn't matter 1691 01:19:45,656 --> 01:19:47,949 because it was going downhill straight from there. 1692 01:19:48,033 --> 01:19:50,243 Listen, you don't want no baby-daddy drama. 1693 01:19:50,327 --> 01:19:51,536 Trust me on this one, all right? 1694 01:19:51,620 --> 01:19:53,663 For all you know, he in prison right now. 1695 01:19:53,747 --> 01:19:55,123 Let's say y'all living together. 1696 01:19:55,207 --> 01:19:58,126 Next thing you know, you the one going on the 1 st and the 1 5th 1697 01:19:58,210 --> 01:19:59,461 to pick up the government check. 1698 01:19:59,545 --> 01:20:01,629 What if he got boys that's on the outside 1699 01:20:01,714 --> 01:20:02,797 and they stalking you? 1700 01:20:02,882 --> 01:20:04,757 You see what I’m saying? You got to think, partner... 1701 01:20:04,842 --> 01:20:06,509 What the fuck are you talking about? 1702 01:20:06,594 --> 01:20:09,053 Here's what you do. You tell her you're a virgin. 1703 01:20:09,138 --> 01:20:11,264 You test her with this shit, okay? 1704 01:20:11,348 --> 01:20:14,100 Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it's gonna go. Tell me. 1705 01:20:14,185 --> 01:20:15,977 -I’m a virgin. -Sweet. 1706 01:20:16,479 --> 01:20:19,898 I like that because you don't have chlamydia. 1707 01:20:21,108 --> 01:20:23,860 And I know that, and that shit is everywhere. 1708 01:20:24,570 --> 01:20:26,154 What if she laughs at me, though? 1709 01:20:26,238 --> 01:20:28,448 Then you punch her in the fucking head if she laughs. 1710 01:20:28,532 --> 01:20:31,075 I’m not going to punch her in the head. She's really sweet. 1711 01:20:31,160 --> 01:20:34,704 No. I mean, you punch her in her fucking head emotionally. 1712 01:20:34,788 --> 01:20:37,790 She's different. She's someone I felt like I had 1713 01:20:37,875 --> 01:20:39,167 a connection with. 1714 01:20:39,251 --> 01:20:42,504 All you trying to do right now is bust off this first nut. 1715 01:20:42,588 --> 01:20:45,131 You got a whole lot of semen back up in you. 1716 01:20:45,216 --> 01:20:46,341 I am going to tell her. 1717 01:20:46,425 --> 01:20:48,259 -You should totally tell her, man. -I’m going to. 1718 01:20:48,344 --> 01:20:50,553 'Cause I watched this movie called liar liar 1719 01:20:50,638 --> 01:20:53,056 and the message was, "don't lie." 1720 01:20:53,182 --> 01:20:55,058 And that was a smart movie. 1721 01:20:55,142 --> 01:20:56,601 -Yeah, that's the right thing. -Yeah. 1722 01:20:57,394 --> 01:21:01,314 Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too? 1723 01:21:01,982 --> 01:21:05,610 That's funny. I didn't even know you girls talked like that. 1724 01:21:06,237 --> 01:21:09,364 I think my first time might be your best time, too. 1725 01:21:10,199 --> 01:21:11,574 Well, I knew it. You know what, 1726 01:21:11,659 --> 01:21:14,744 I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that 1727 01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:19,457 you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter 1728 01:21:19,792 --> 01:21:24,212 with all the compassion and care that someone 1729 01:21:24,547 --> 01:21:26,172 would give to their soul mate. 1730 01:21:26,257 --> 01:21:27,966 Oh, my god. I’m in trouble. 1731 01:21:31,136 --> 01:21:32,345 Hey, Andy. 1732 01:21:33,222 --> 01:21:34,639 You watching survivor tonight? 1733 01:21:34,723 --> 01:21:37,183 No, actually I’m going out to dinner with somebody. 1734 01:21:37,268 --> 01:21:38,518 Hi. 1735 01:21:38,686 --> 01:21:39,727 Andy: This is her. 1736 01:21:39,812 --> 01:21:41,980 -Trish, this is Joe and Sara. -Hi. 1737 01:21:42,064 --> 01:21:43,231 -Hi, Trish. -Hey. 1738 01:21:43,315 --> 01:21:44,816 But tape it for me, okay? 1739 01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:46,568 -Will do. All right. -Andy: Thanks. 1740 01:21:46,652 --> 01:21:47,777 -So long. -Sara: Bye-bye. 1741 01:21:47,861 --> 01:21:49,571 See you later. Have a good night. 1742 01:21:49,655 --> 01:21:52,031 Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight. 1743 01:21:52,116 --> 01:21:53,116 -Yes, sir. -Mmm-hmm. 1744 01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:55,743 Yeah, and you better get on me, too. 1745 01:21:55,995 --> 01:21:57,912 What is wrong with this woman? 1746 01:21:57,997 --> 01:21:59,247 Mercy, mercy, mercy. 1747 01:22:05,546 --> 01:22:07,255 I’m so sorry that happened the other night. 1748 01:22:07,339 --> 01:22:08,339 No, I’m sorry. 1749 01:22:08,424 --> 01:22:10,091 -Oh, my god. -That was me. 1750 01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:11,217 No. 1751 01:22:11,885 --> 01:22:14,596 Let me... I have something I want to tell you. 1752 01:22:15,514 --> 01:22:17,432 Kind of hard to talk about. 1753 01:22:18,392 --> 01:22:19,392 But, 1754 01:22:20,144 --> 01:22:23,187 you know, there are certain things 1755 01:22:23,522 --> 01:22:25,857 about who I am that... 1756 01:22:26,358 --> 01:22:29,360 I’m sorry. I just have to get this off my chest. 1757 01:22:29,445 --> 01:22:32,155 I am so sorry, I didn't tell you I had kids. 1758 01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:34,699 Yeah, what was that about? 1759 01:22:34,783 --> 01:22:37,160 Gosh. You know, that really surprised me. 1760 01:22:40,039 --> 01:22:41,956 No, you should have told me probably, but... 1761 01:22:42,041 --> 01:22:42,999 I’m sorry. I know. 1762 01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:45,209 What do I care if you have a kid? 1763 01:22:45,669 --> 01:22:47,337 Well, I have two kids. 1764 01:22:48,213 --> 01:22:50,590 Wow. Okay. How old are they? 1765 01:22:51,592 --> 01:22:52,675 Six. 1766 01:22:53,385 --> 01:22:54,636 Sixteen. 1767 01:22:55,095 --> 01:22:56,471 Twenty-one. 1768 01:22:57,348 --> 01:22:58,681 Forty-two. 1769 01:22:59,558 --> 01:23:01,476 Fifty-six. How many kids do you have? 1770 01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:03,394 -I have three. -Okay, three. 1771 01:23:03,479 --> 01:23:05,480 Yeah, and one of them has a kid. 1772 01:23:05,564 --> 01:23:06,856 A one-year-old. 1773 01:23:07,191 --> 01:23:08,900 That's cool. That's great. 1774 01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:14,405 -I’m really glad we're doing this. -Me, too. 1775 01:23:18,786 --> 01:23:20,328 Listen, Andy, I 1776 01:23:20,746 --> 01:23:23,706 don't want to send you running for the hills or anything, but 1777 01:23:23,791 --> 01:23:28,503 I really feel like if, we decide to do this again, then 1778 01:23:30,631 --> 01:23:33,883 maybe we should hold off on the physical part for a while. 1779 01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:38,096 That is a fantastic idea. 1780 01:23:38,931 --> 01:23:40,348 Why didn't I think of that? 1781 01:23:40,432 --> 01:23:41,683 -Really? -Totally. 1782 01:23:41,767 --> 01:23:45,019 -No sex? -No. Why do that? 1783 01:23:45,104 --> 01:23:46,938 Because here's the thing. 1784 01:23:47,064 --> 01:23:48,231 From personal experience 1785 01:23:48,315 --> 01:23:51,025 I found that sex can really complicate things. 1786 01:23:51,110 --> 01:23:54,195 And what we should be doing right now is getting to know each other. 1787 01:23:54,279 --> 01:23:55,279 Yeah. 1788 01:23:55,656 --> 01:23:57,657 Well, I never thought you'd go for it. 1789 01:23:57,741 --> 01:23:59,033 I’m going for it. 1790 01:23:59,118 --> 01:24:02,120 Well, that just is a great, great notion. 1791 01:24:03,080 --> 01:24:04,163 Are you serious? 1792 01:24:04,248 --> 01:24:07,041 Look at my face. Look at how serious I am. 1793 01:24:07,334 --> 01:24:09,043 Can you see my nostrils? 1794 01:24:09,128 --> 01:24:10,962 -Yes. -That's serious. 1795 01:24:11,171 --> 01:24:12,630 That's more angry. 1796 01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:15,299 Yeah, you know what, most guys would be saying, 1797 01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:18,594 "yeah," right now, but, like, by the third date, it would be, 1798 01:24:18,679 --> 01:24:22,223 "hey, baby, I really need to physically express how I feel" 1799 01:24:22,307 --> 01:24:24,642 -and all that stuff. -Well, hey, baby, 1800 01:24:24,727 --> 01:24:27,812 you know, three dates. Make it 1 0, 1 0 dates. 1801 01:24:29,690 --> 01:24:30,982 How about 1 5? 1802 01:24:31,066 --> 01:24:34,819 Fifteen. Screw your 1 5. Twenty dates. 1803 01:24:35,070 --> 01:24:37,155 -Okay, 20 dates. -Twenty dates. 1804 01:24:37,573 --> 01:24:39,782 -Okay. -This is genius. 1805 01:24:40,159 --> 01:24:41,492 It's gonna hurt. 1806 01:24:41,577 --> 01:24:42,827 (Trish laughing) 1807 01:24:43,495 --> 01:24:45,496 Not as much as you think. 1808 01:24:47,458 --> 01:24:49,333 We can really get to know each other this way. 1809 01:24:49,418 --> 01:24:50,418 Yeah. 1810 01:24:50,836 --> 01:24:53,421 -This is one, right? -No, next one. 1811 01:24:55,007 --> 01:24:56,507 (Door opening) 1812 01:24:57,634 --> 01:24:58,718 (Marla clearing throat) 1813 01:24:59,344 --> 01:25:01,262 Ls it safe to come in, or are you guys doing it? 1814 01:25:01,346 --> 01:25:03,014 Honey, it's safe. 1815 01:25:05,517 --> 01:25:06,517 Great. 1816 01:25:06,602 --> 01:25:08,269 Trish: Well, good timing. 1817 01:25:08,604 --> 01:25:10,271 Marla: Yeah. Trish: You remember Marla. 1818 01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:13,274 -Hi, we met. -And this is my little bunny rabbit. 1819 01:25:13,358 --> 01:25:14,776 -Julia. -Hey. 1820 01:25:14,860 --> 01:25:17,236 -This is Andy. -Julia, how you doing? 1821 01:25:18,197 --> 01:25:21,783 You know what, do you by any chance like magic? 1822 01:25:22,242 --> 01:25:24,744 -Yeah. -I thought that you might. 1823 01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:26,287 Because I noticed on the way in 1824 01:25:26,371 --> 01:25:28,956 that you had something shiny behind your ear. 1825 01:25:29,041 --> 01:25:31,459 Marla, did you see that? Something behind her ear? 1826 01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:33,085 You think you do? Could I check? 1827 01:25:33,170 --> 01:25:35,463 Do you mind if I check behind your ear? 1828 01:25:35,714 --> 01:25:37,048 Big money! 1829 01:25:37,132 --> 01:25:38,132 (Exclaiming) 1830 01:25:38,509 --> 01:25:41,135 -That's amazing. -Wow, it is amazing. 1831 01:25:41,220 --> 01:25:43,304 There's something else, too, behind your ear, I think. 1832 01:25:43,388 --> 01:25:46,057 No, actually it's not behind your ear. I think it is your ear. 1833 01:25:46,141 --> 01:25:47,141 Rip! 1834 01:25:47,226 --> 01:25:50,645 Lt is your ear. There is your ear. 1835 01:25:50,729 --> 01:25:52,063 I ripped it off. 1836 01:25:52,147 --> 01:25:53,648 -Trish: Gross! -Yeah, that's... 1837 01:25:53,732 --> 01:25:56,734 All right. Wait. Okay, but that means that you 1838 01:25:56,819 --> 01:25:59,779 walk around with a rubber ear in your pocket all day? 1839 01:26:00,739 --> 01:26:02,490 Yeah, like half the time. 1840 01:26:03,075 --> 01:26:04,617 You know, I can come to your high schooI 1841 01:26:04,701 --> 01:26:06,661 and do it for your friends if you want. 1842 01:26:06,745 --> 01:26:08,538 You know what, I should head out. 1843 01:26:08,622 --> 01:26:09,956 -Really? -Yeah. 1844 01:26:10,040 --> 01:26:11,916 I have to give you a ride home. 1845 01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:13,209 Right. Yes, you do. 1846 01:26:13,293 --> 01:26:15,503 Yeah, 'cause you don't have a car or anything, right? 1847 01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:17,171 Right, I don't have a car. 1848 01:26:17,256 --> 01:26:19,966 'Cause he doesn't have a car, and he does magic. 1849 01:26:20,217 --> 01:26:21,259 Awesome. 1850 01:26:21,468 --> 01:26:24,053 And sarcasm is like a second language to me. 1851 01:26:24,137 --> 01:26:26,222 So, I’m right there with you. 1852 01:26:26,306 --> 01:26:27,306 (Laughing) 1853 01:26:29,101 --> 01:26:30,726 But, dad, 1854 01:26:31,311 --> 01:26:34,689 I don't know how to love. 1855 01:26:35,482 --> 01:26:37,859 You never 1856 01:26:38,569 --> 01:26:41,153 taught me how... 1857 01:26:41,446 --> 01:26:42,572 (Cell phone ringing) 1858 01:26:44,449 --> 01:26:46,325 -Hello. -Andy: Hey, Cal. 1859 01:26:46,493 --> 01:26:48,703 -Hey. -I just got back from the date. 1860 01:26:48,787 --> 01:26:50,913 Did you tell her you're a virgin? 1861 01:26:51,290 --> 01:26:53,374 No. I haven't gotten to that yet. 1862 01:26:53,458 --> 01:26:55,668 Really? Are you having sex right now? 1863 01:26:55,878 --> 01:26:58,087 No. She was incredible. 1864 01:26:58,422 --> 01:27:00,715 She was amazing. She didn't pressure me. 1865 01:27:00,799 --> 01:27:03,759 And she has three kids. 1866 01:27:03,844 --> 01:27:05,845 And one of her kids has a kid. 1867 01:27:05,971 --> 01:27:07,471 (Coughing) 1868 01:27:08,098 --> 01:27:09,348 You all right? 1869 01:27:09,808 --> 01:27:14,061 Did you just say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid? 1870 01:27:14,146 --> 01:27:16,564 -Yeah. -So, so, she's a grandma? 1871 01:27:16,732 --> 01:27:17,732 No. 1872 01:27:17,816 --> 01:27:19,567 I'm not a doctor or anything like that 1873 01:27:19,651 --> 01:27:21,819 but she's a fucking grandma. 1874 01:27:22,654 --> 01:27:24,238 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1875 01:27:24,323 --> 01:27:25,740 She's the hottest grandma I ever saw. 1876 01:27:25,824 --> 01:27:27,241 Yeah, she is. She's a hot grandma. 1877 01:27:27,326 --> 01:27:30,036 That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. 1878 01:27:30,120 --> 01:27:31,120 Well, she's no Jack Palance. 1879 01:27:31,204 --> 01:27:32,914 No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady 1880 01:27:32,998 --> 01:27:34,957 I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now. 1881 01:27:35,042 --> 01:27:36,334 Yeah, me, too. 1882 01:27:36,668 --> 01:27:37,752 She's a hot grandma. 1883 01:27:37,836 --> 01:27:39,712 Heck, yeah. No, do a grandma, man. 1884 01:27:39,796 --> 01:27:42,590 You should fuck her on her plastic-covered couch. 1885 01:27:43,634 --> 01:27:45,384 Fuck her while she watches murder, she wrote. 1886 01:27:45,469 --> 01:27:47,053 She would probably find that very erotic. 1887 01:27:47,137 --> 01:27:48,346 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1888 01:27:48,430 --> 01:27:52,183 Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $1 2 on your birthday. 1889 01:27:52,601 --> 01:27:54,852 I’m the dude with the hot granny. 1890 01:27:56,521 --> 01:27:57,980 Andy: What did you want to talk to me about? 1891 01:27:58,065 --> 01:27:59,774 Well, Andy, the numbers just came in 1892 01:27:59,858 --> 01:28:03,569 and you are by far our best salesman. 1893 01:28:03,946 --> 01:28:06,322 So, I am promoting you to floor manager. 1894 01:28:06,698 --> 01:28:08,491 This is the bullshit of all bullshits! 1895 01:28:08,575 --> 01:28:10,534 You scumbag! Ass kisser! 1896 01:28:12,871 --> 01:28:14,580 Thank you. That's great. 1897 01:28:14,915 --> 01:28:18,668 -I understand you have a girlfriend. -Yeah, kind of seeing somebody. 1898 01:28:19,086 --> 01:28:21,712 -I’m very happy for you. -Thanks. She's great. 1899 01:28:21,880 --> 01:28:23,506 Are you still a virgin? 1900 01:28:24,716 --> 01:28:26,050 You know, I don't really 1901 01:28:26,134 --> 01:28:28,010 -talk about my personal life. -You're a virgin. 1902 01:28:28,095 --> 01:28:29,470 -Yes, I am. -Yeah. 1903 01:28:30,847 --> 01:28:32,556 My door is always open. 1904 01:28:33,183 --> 01:28:34,976 -So to speak. -Great. 1905 01:28:36,478 --> 01:28:37,853 Great. Thank you. 1906 01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:40,314 I’m very discreet. 1907 01:28:43,110 --> 01:28:45,569 But I’ll haunt your dreams. 1908 01:28:47,447 --> 01:28:48,823 -Okay. -Okay. 1909 01:28:49,032 --> 01:28:50,032 (Sniffling) 1910 01:28:53,954 --> 01:28:54,954 Wow. 1911 01:28:57,416 --> 01:29:01,502 -So who's gonna take my job? -Cal will be taking over your job. 1912 01:29:01,586 --> 01:29:03,379 And he's interviewing people right now 1913 01:29:03,463 --> 01:29:04,755 for his old job. 1914 01:29:04,840 --> 01:29:06,841 So, have you ever worked with electronics before? 1915 01:29:06,925 --> 01:29:08,092 -No. -No? 1916 01:29:08,301 --> 01:29:11,554 But I have electronics in my home. 1917 01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:16,600 Perfect. That's the job pretty much. You're very well-qualified. 1918 01:29:17,227 --> 01:29:18,728 More than these other losers. 1919 01:29:18,812 --> 01:29:19,812 (Bernadette laughs) 1920 01:29:20,272 --> 01:29:22,940 -I could do that... -Wait, last thing. 1921 01:29:23,025 --> 01:29:25,026 I’m also gonna need that extended warranty on it 1922 01:29:25,110 --> 01:29:27,445 for the price of "on the house." 1923 01:29:29,448 --> 01:29:30,698 That I can't do. 1924 01:29:30,782 --> 01:29:33,492 Hey, don't be a negro. Be my nigger. All right? Help me out. 1925 01:29:33,577 --> 01:29:35,619 Hold up. I ain't nobody's nigger. 1926 01:29:36,621 --> 01:29:39,373 I mean, you're somebody's nigger wearing this nigger tie. 1927 01:29:39,458 --> 01:29:40,958 Now you being condescending. 1928 01:29:41,043 --> 01:29:44,545 See, you've been warned, all right? Just move forward amicably. 1929 01:29:44,629 --> 01:29:45,963 Okay. Well, check this out. 1930 01:29:46,048 --> 01:29:48,132 First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me. 1931 01:29:48,216 --> 01:29:49,884 Okay, now because I don't understand them 1932 01:29:49,968 --> 01:29:51,427 I’m gonna take them as disrespect. 1933 01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:53,888 Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale. 1934 01:29:53,972 --> 01:29:56,640 Okay, see, now you found yourself a nigger. 1935 01:29:56,725 --> 01:29:59,560 You were looking for a nigger? Nigger here now. See? 1936 01:29:59,644 --> 01:30:02,938 Today's forecast: Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. 1937 01:30:03,106 --> 01:30:04,815 -You want to go? -I suggest you move back. 1938 01:30:04,900 --> 01:30:05,900 Then, nig, fire on. 1939 01:30:05,984 --> 01:30:07,818 Uh-oh. What are we gonna do? 1940 01:30:08,779 --> 01:30:11,739 What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor manager? 1941 01:30:12,949 --> 01:30:13,949 Go, get them, tiger. 1942 01:30:14,242 --> 01:30:15,326 This shit just got rigged. 1943 01:30:15,410 --> 01:30:17,244 -What are you gonna do, bitch? -I’ll tell you what. 1944 01:30:17,329 --> 01:30:19,789 You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th? 1945 01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:21,707 You ever heard of, rolling 20s, nigger? 1946 01:30:21,792 --> 01:30:24,251 Since I was 1 6, nigger, I'm saying "frosty." 1947 01:30:24,336 --> 01:30:25,753 You know what I’m saying, "spoon," nigger. 1948 01:30:25,837 --> 01:30:27,171 We fucked dwarfs in the ass. 1949 01:30:27,255 --> 01:30:28,923 Nigger, this dwarf here don't got to be tall 1950 01:30:29,007 --> 01:30:30,883 to pull the trigger off in somebody face! 1951 01:30:30,967 --> 01:30:33,219 -Come on nigger, back up. What's up? -Hey, 1952 01:30:33,303 --> 01:30:34,678 welcome to smart tech. 1953 01:30:34,763 --> 01:30:36,305 -Ls this your boy? -What can I help you with? 1954 01:30:36,389 --> 01:30:37,932 Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you! 1955 01:30:38,016 --> 01:30:40,017 -How can we help you, sir? -Nigger, what? 1956 01:30:40,102 --> 01:30:42,269 No, he don't need no help. He's already been served. 1957 01:30:42,354 --> 01:30:45,314 I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. 1958 01:30:45,398 --> 01:30:47,983 See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules. 1959 01:30:48,068 --> 01:30:50,653 But now he see that Jay make the rules at smart tech, 1960 01:30:50,737 --> 01:30:53,531 that I run this bitch, and now he about to bounce. 1961 01:30:55,158 --> 01:30:56,158 This your boy? 1962 01:30:56,284 --> 01:30:58,828 Yeah, that's my boy. We represent smart tech. 1963 01:30:58,912 --> 01:31:00,329 You just got fucked up with him. 1964 01:31:00,413 --> 01:31:02,665 Both y'all niggers going get clapped up when I get back. 1965 01:31:04,126 --> 01:31:05,126 Both of you all niggers. 1966 01:31:05,377 --> 01:31:07,503 -What did I do? -Lt don't fucking matter! 1967 01:31:07,796 --> 01:31:12,174 -Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high! -Please don't do this. 1968 01:31:13,385 --> 01:31:15,386 Jay, what's going on? 1969 01:31:17,222 --> 01:31:18,556 Jill broke up with me. 1970 01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:21,600 I’m so sorry. What happened? 1971 01:31:21,726 --> 01:31:23,644 I came home a little tipsy. 1972 01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:26,105 And I had one of my condoms on still. 1973 01:31:28,150 --> 01:31:31,402 Woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower with her. 1974 01:31:32,404 --> 01:31:34,321 I don't know what I was thinking. 1975 01:31:34,406 --> 01:31:35,614 Why did you cheat on her? 1976 01:31:35,699 --> 01:31:37,992 Because I’m insecure! You can't tell? 1977 01:31:38,076 --> 01:31:40,452 I know, man. It's gonna be okay. 1978 01:31:40,537 --> 01:31:42,663 -I’m cold. -It's gonna be all right, man. 1979 01:31:42,747 --> 01:31:44,456 Seriously, man, I’m sorry. 1980 01:31:44,666 --> 01:31:46,375 I apologize to you. I know. 1981 01:31:46,459 --> 01:31:48,294 If you wanna have a meaningful relationship 1982 01:31:48,378 --> 01:31:50,588 you've got to leave the sex out of it, man. You're right. 1983 01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:51,839 It's all right. You're good. 1984 01:31:51,923 --> 01:31:53,757 I’m sorry. Come here. I love you, man. 1985 01:31:53,842 --> 01:31:55,342 Man, I love you, too. 1986 01:31:56,553 --> 01:31:58,220 You're a good guy. 1987 01:32:00,348 --> 01:32:02,766 Do you know how I know you guys are gay? 1988 01:32:02,851 --> 01:32:05,269 You're holding each other ever so gently. 1989 01:32:05,353 --> 01:32:06,395 Cabrón. 1990 01:32:07,147 --> 01:32:09,273 (Trish whooping) 1991 01:32:11,443 --> 01:32:12,693 (Exclaiming) 1992 01:32:12,861 --> 01:32:13,944 Trish: Bravo. 1993 01:32:14,446 --> 01:32:16,155 At least he can cook, mom. 1994 01:32:16,448 --> 01:32:20,117 (Believe it or not [the greatest American hero theme] playing) 1995 01:32:20,202 --> 01:32:22,828 I love Spiderman. 1996 01:32:27,167 --> 01:32:28,209 (Whooping) 1997 01:32:36,134 --> 01:32:37,968 Pull out slowly and go straight ahead. 1998 01:32:38,511 --> 01:32:39,553 (Screaming) 1999 01:32:59,574 --> 01:33:01,033 (Humming) 2000 01:33:02,077 --> 01:33:03,202 (Exclaims) 2001 01:33:07,082 --> 01:33:08,332 I’m all right. 2002 01:33:08,750 --> 01:33:10,042 Nobody's there. 2003 01:33:10,126 --> 01:33:12,253 Trish: I want to know everything about you. 2004 01:33:12,337 --> 01:33:13,379 I want to tell you. 2005 01:33:13,463 --> 01:33:14,463 -You do? -Yeah. 2006 01:33:14,547 --> 01:33:17,383 Like, what do you want to do? What are your dreams? 2007 01:33:17,801 --> 01:33:21,178 You don't wanna work at smart tech for the rest of your life. 2008 01:33:21,346 --> 01:33:23,430 I’ve been working there for a long time. 2009 01:33:23,515 --> 01:33:27,226 And I’ve been thinking lately that maybe I should open my own store. 2010 01:33:27,435 --> 01:33:28,477 -Really? -Yeah. 2011 01:33:28,561 --> 01:33:32,022 -What kind of store? -Well, like a stereo store. 2012 01:33:32,148 --> 01:33:34,483 Oh, my god, that is... Why don't you do that? 2013 01:33:34,567 --> 01:33:36,235 I don't have enough money to do that. 2014 01:33:36,319 --> 01:33:37,778 What about those collectibles? 2015 01:33:37,862 --> 01:33:40,114 I bet if you sold those, you could make a lot of money. 2016 01:33:40,198 --> 01:33:44,034 I just sold a guy's GI Joe for $1,000. 2017 01:33:44,369 --> 01:33:45,828 -Really? -Do you have any of those? 2018 01:33:45,912 --> 01:33:47,037 -Yeah. -You do? 2019 01:33:47,122 --> 01:33:48,163 I have 47 of them. 2020 01:33:48,248 --> 01:33:49,456 No, you don't. 2021 01:33:49,541 --> 01:33:51,500 -Yeah, in their original boxes. -You do? 2022 01:33:51,584 --> 01:33:53,669 I could help you sell them on eBay. 2023 01:33:53,753 --> 01:33:56,839 I would not take a commission, I swear to god. 2024 01:33:56,923 --> 01:34:00,009 You could do it. You could totally pull it off. 2025 01:34:01,469 --> 01:34:03,512 -Yeah, let's do it. -Let's do it. 2026 01:34:21,656 --> 01:34:22,865 Aquaman. 2027 01:34:23,283 --> 01:34:24,408 Here. 2028 01:34:24,868 --> 01:34:26,243 Gloves on. 2029 01:34:28,038 --> 01:34:29,913 I’ll send you off to 2030 01:34:30,999 --> 01:34:33,917 a farm with lots of land. 2031 01:34:34,002 --> 01:34:36,795 So, you and other Aquamen can run around 2032 01:34:37,922 --> 01:34:40,382 and play in the Aquafields. 2033 01:34:50,602 --> 01:34:52,603 Godspeed, col. Steve Austin. 2034 01:34:55,565 --> 01:34:57,483 You don't wanna go, do you? Okay, you can stay. 2035 01:34:57,567 --> 01:34:59,443 Steve Austin can stay. 2036 01:35:03,031 --> 01:35:05,032 Hey, Cal. David. 2037 01:35:05,116 --> 01:35:08,619 -Way to sell a big TV. -She likes you, man. 2038 01:35:08,953 --> 01:35:10,829 Too bad I retired my penis. 2039 01:35:11,414 --> 01:35:14,458 Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard. 2040 01:35:14,751 --> 01:35:18,128 Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up, I get most early shift? 2041 01:35:18,213 --> 01:35:21,298 It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at 1 0:00 in the morning. 2042 01:35:21,383 --> 01:35:22,383 No, I understand. 2043 01:35:22,467 --> 01:35:25,302 People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00. 2044 01:35:25,387 --> 01:35:26,387 Mmm-hmm. 2045 01:35:26,471 --> 01:35:29,932 Rich men get off work, then buy stereo. 2046 01:35:30,058 --> 01:35:32,768 -Right. -Not after fucking brunch. 2047 01:35:32,852 --> 01:35:34,144 Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. 2048 01:35:34,229 --> 01:35:36,772 I’m going to give you a couple of Jay's shifts. 2049 01:35:37,065 --> 01:35:39,733 And then I’ll give you a couple of mine and that way 2050 01:35:39,818 --> 01:35:42,986 -we'll all be equal, okay. -Thank you, Andy. 2051 01:35:43,363 --> 01:35:46,031 -It's okay. -You're a good man, Andy. 2052 01:35:48,451 --> 01:35:51,537 By the way, what date are you on, now? 2053 01:35:51,830 --> 01:35:54,415 I think it's around 1 7. 2054 01:35:54,499 --> 01:35:57,251 It's hard to tell what actually constitutes a date, though. 2055 01:35:57,335 --> 01:36:00,879 Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days. 2056 01:36:01,923 --> 01:36:04,133 Maybe, I might try to space them out a little bit. 2057 01:36:04,217 --> 01:36:06,844 -I’ll pray for your cock. -Okay, thanks. 2058 01:36:07,095 --> 01:36:09,012 -Thanks. Thank you. -Have a good cocky. 2059 01:36:09,305 --> 01:36:11,932 Trish is on the phone. Here is a shock. 2060 01:36:12,016 --> 01:36:13,851 -Girlfriend with a problem. -Hello. 2061 01:36:14,227 --> 01:36:16,353 Marla: I have done everything but sex! 2062 01:36:16,438 --> 01:36:18,981 I'm a woman, okay? Deal with it! 2063 01:36:19,065 --> 01:36:21,150 I’m gonna start taking you back to church. 2064 01:36:21,234 --> 01:36:23,193 We are gonna start going to church. 2065 01:36:23,278 --> 01:36:24,778 -Hello? -Marla: You know what? 2066 01:36:24,863 --> 01:36:26,155 What the hell are you talking about? 2067 01:36:26,239 --> 01:36:28,907 Oh, my god, I cannot believe this. Thank god you're here. 2068 01:36:28,992 --> 01:36:31,952 Jesus Christ. Marla locked herself in the bathroom. 2069 01:36:32,036 --> 01:36:32,995 What happened? 2070 01:36:33,079 --> 01:36:34,788 She wants to go to the family health clinic. 2071 01:36:34,873 --> 01:36:36,957 She wants birth control. But she's too young. 2072 01:36:37,041 --> 01:36:40,252 I want to have sex with my boyfriend! But I can't, mom! 2073 01:36:40,336 --> 01:36:41,587 So, you want me to take her? 2074 01:36:41,671 --> 01:36:43,755 -No, I don't want you to take her. -Okay, all right. 2075 01:36:43,840 --> 01:36:47,217 I want her to keep it in her pants until she gets to college. 2076 01:36:47,802 --> 01:36:49,136 "Keep it in my pants?" 2077 01:36:49,220 --> 01:36:51,805 Okay, you didn't keep it in your pants, mom. 2078 01:36:51,890 --> 01:36:55,350 I know. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Marla. 2079 01:36:55,435 --> 01:36:58,479 Mistakes? Okay, so I was a mistake then. 2080 01:36:58,563 --> 01:37:02,483 No, you're not a mistake. Your sister was the mistake. 2081 01:37:03,193 --> 01:37:04,693 Oh, my god! 2082 01:37:05,069 --> 01:37:07,905 Her older sister, I mean, she wasn't planned, you know what I mean? 2083 01:37:07,989 --> 01:37:10,491 Because I was such a... oh, god, you wanna run away, don't you? 2084 01:37:10,575 --> 01:37:11,658 No. 2085 01:37:11,743 --> 01:37:14,536 You and your boyfriend have sex all the time! 2086 01:37:14,621 --> 01:37:16,330 Oh, my god! Are you kidding? 2087 01:37:16,414 --> 01:37:18,248 We never have sex. Do we ever have sex? 2088 01:37:18,333 --> 01:37:19,666 No, we don't. 2089 01:37:19,918 --> 01:37:21,752 What? Yes, you do! 2090 01:37:21,836 --> 01:37:24,505 You're such a liar! Why do you lie to me? 2091 01:37:24,589 --> 01:37:25,589 Why? 2092 01:37:25,673 --> 01:37:26,757 (Door slamming) 2093 01:37:26,841 --> 01:37:28,300 (Muttering) 2094 01:37:29,177 --> 01:37:31,136 I didn't hear anything after "a liar." 2095 01:37:31,221 --> 01:37:34,014 -What did she say after "a liar"? -She sounds like a tea kettle. 2096 01:37:34,098 --> 01:37:36,016 Fuck you! 2097 01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:37,309 (Crying) 2098 01:37:38,311 --> 01:37:40,812 -Maybe I should take her. -No, I don't think so. 2099 01:37:40,897 --> 01:37:43,315 You know, a little information never hurt anybody. 2100 01:37:57,372 --> 01:37:58,455 Cool. 2101 01:37:59,499 --> 01:38:00,582 Wow! 2102 01:38:03,044 --> 01:38:05,128 Where do you put the penis? 2103 01:38:06,130 --> 01:38:07,422 Oh, shit. 2104 01:38:17,809 --> 01:38:20,102 Lt is 2105 01:38:20,186 --> 01:38:21,603 not a Rubik’s cube. 2106 01:38:23,815 --> 01:38:25,566 Shit. 2107 01:38:27,318 --> 01:38:29,319 God, how much longer are they gonna make us wait? 2108 01:38:29,404 --> 01:38:31,822 (Exclaims) I don't know. They should be out in a second. 2109 01:38:32,323 --> 01:38:33,407 Now, you're all here 2110 01:38:33,491 --> 01:38:35,867 because you're interested in obtaining birth control. 2111 01:38:35,952 --> 01:38:37,202 Any questions? 2112 01:38:37,829 --> 01:38:40,163 Here's a cute story. I came home the other day 2113 01:38:40,248 --> 01:38:43,208 and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed 2114 01:38:43,293 --> 01:38:46,211 doing things that are illegal in Alabama. 2115 01:38:46,296 --> 01:38:49,590 Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay? 2116 01:38:50,049 --> 01:38:52,926 -Did you have a question? -How do I get my wife to do that? 2117 01:38:53,011 --> 01:38:54,303 Does anybody else have a question? 2118 01:38:54,387 --> 01:38:57,723 My daughter is, for lack of a better word, 2119 01:38:58,182 --> 01:38:59,266 dumb. 2120 01:38:59,684 --> 01:39:01,727 How do I stop her menstrual cycle? 2121 01:39:01,811 --> 01:39:04,062 You want her to stop having a menstrual cycle? 2122 01:39:04,147 --> 01:39:06,773 I want to stop it, maybe just for a few years. 2123 01:39:06,858 --> 01:39:09,067 Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. 2124 01:39:09,152 --> 01:39:12,237 -Does anybody else have a question? -I have a question. 2125 01:39:12,322 --> 01:39:16,158 I think some of the people here might be sexually inexperienced. 2126 01:39:16,743 --> 01:39:19,828 Ls it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? 2127 01:39:20,288 --> 01:39:21,913 Ls that a serious question? 2128 01:39:21,998 --> 01:39:23,624 -No. Lt wasn't. -Judith: Okay. 2129 01:39:24,125 --> 01:39:27,753 Now, there are a lot of activities that you can engage in 2130 01:39:27,837 --> 01:39:30,631 without having sex that are both fun and safe. 2131 01:39:30,715 --> 01:39:32,799 What sort of activities? I think 2132 01:39:32,884 --> 01:39:35,135 everybody wants to know about the activities. 2133 01:39:35,219 --> 01:39:39,765 Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course. 2134 01:39:40,350 --> 01:39:42,476 Outer-course? What's that? 2135 01:39:42,560 --> 01:39:43,935 Yeah, what is that? 2136 01:39:44,020 --> 01:39:48,148 Outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse. 2137 01:39:48,358 --> 01:39:50,359 I prefer vaginal intercourse. 2138 01:39:50,693 --> 01:39:51,902 (Chuckling) 2139 01:39:52,028 --> 01:39:53,320 He really does. 2140 01:39:53,655 --> 01:39:57,240 Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. 2141 01:39:58,368 --> 01:40:01,745 Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping. 2142 01:40:01,829 --> 01:40:03,163 You could dry hump. 2143 01:40:03,247 --> 01:40:06,333 -There is masturbation. -Masturbation. Play with yourself. 2144 01:40:06,417 --> 01:40:08,460 -Mutual masturbation. -Play with a friend. 2145 01:40:08,544 --> 01:40:12,130 Deep kissing. There is erotic massage. 2146 01:40:12,215 --> 01:40:14,049 That sounds like it would be nice. 2147 01:40:14,133 --> 01:40:16,718 -Oral sex play. -Sounds like my Friday night. 2148 01:40:16,803 --> 01:40:18,679 Shut up, Seth. We went to temple. 2149 01:40:18,763 --> 01:40:20,555 Okay, are there any virgins here 2150 01:40:20,640 --> 01:40:23,600 who are thinking about having sex for the first time? 2151 01:40:26,187 --> 01:40:28,313 Wait. So you're a virgin? 2152 01:40:28,648 --> 01:40:29,648 (Snickers) 2153 01:40:30,775 --> 01:40:33,610 -I’d tap that. -Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"? 2154 01:40:33,695 --> 01:40:36,655 Seth, what, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro? 2155 01:40:36,739 --> 01:40:39,950 We don't say, "tap that." What are you talking about, Seth? 2156 01:40:40,034 --> 01:40:42,452 You know what, I’m a virgin, too. 2157 01:40:42,578 --> 01:40:44,121 (People laughing) 2158 01:40:44,372 --> 01:40:45,497 That's... 2159 01:40:45,581 --> 01:40:47,457 -We're virgins, too. -Yeah. 2160 01:40:49,377 --> 01:40:52,337 No, you know what, it's a personal choice 2161 01:40:52,422 --> 01:40:53,922 and I don't think it's weird at all. 2162 01:40:54,006 --> 01:40:55,257 You know what your problem is? 2163 01:40:55,341 --> 01:40:57,050 You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. 2164 01:40:57,135 --> 01:40:58,885 That's the second time I’ve heard that. 2165 01:40:58,970 --> 01:41:00,887 What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing? 2166 01:41:00,972 --> 01:41:04,766 Okay, I can't listen to any more of this, 'cause it's making me sick. 2167 01:41:04,851 --> 01:41:05,892 So, bye. 2168 01:41:05,977 --> 01:41:08,103 You can get this information on your website, right? 2169 01:41:08,187 --> 01:41:09,896 -Judith: Yes. -Thanks. Nice meeting everybody. 2170 01:41:09,981 --> 01:41:11,106 Judith: Any other questions? 2171 01:41:11,190 --> 01:41:13,108 Do you have any extra-large condoms? 2172 01:41:13,192 --> 01:41:15,277 Seth, you got a tiny penis. 2173 01:41:17,947 --> 01:41:18,947 (Sighing) 2174 01:41:19,323 --> 01:41:22,451 So, I made that all up to help you out. 2175 01:41:24,328 --> 01:41:25,871 No, you didn't. 2176 01:41:26,205 --> 01:41:29,541 But thank you for doing that. 2177 01:41:32,336 --> 01:41:33,962 How can you tell? 2178 01:41:34,338 --> 01:41:36,548 Well, you know, I go to school with, like, 400 guys 2179 01:41:36,632 --> 01:41:38,049 who are all trying to have sex. 2180 01:41:38,134 --> 01:41:40,093 And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it. 2181 01:41:40,178 --> 01:41:41,219 Of course. 2182 01:41:41,304 --> 01:41:44,181 -And you really haven't? -No, I really haven't. 2183 01:41:44,682 --> 01:41:47,100 Please don't tell your mom, okay? 2184 01:41:47,185 --> 01:41:48,935 -Yeah, I won't. -Thanks. 2185 01:41:49,020 --> 01:41:52,189 But when are you gonna tell her? 2186 01:41:52,356 --> 01:41:54,357 Believe me, I’m working on it. 2187 01:41:55,693 --> 01:41:57,444 I am working on it. 2188 01:42:00,615 --> 01:42:01,907 Do you have any weed? 2189 01:42:03,618 --> 01:42:04,785 -Yeah. -You do have some. 2190 01:42:04,869 --> 01:42:07,287 Can you spare any or is it all spoken for? 2191 01:42:07,872 --> 01:42:09,956 I mean, like what are we talking? Are we... 2192 01:42:10,041 --> 01:42:12,000 Just enough to get me baked for like a week. 2193 01:42:12,460 --> 01:42:13,460 That's a lot of weed. 2194 01:42:13,544 --> 01:42:15,337 Yeah, I am taking vacation next week, so... 2195 01:42:15,755 --> 01:42:17,422 -Where are you going? -I’m not going anywhere. 2196 01:42:17,507 --> 01:42:19,216 -I’ll stay in my apartment. -Just getting baked? 2197 01:42:19,300 --> 01:42:20,717 I want to be baked the whole time. 2198 01:42:21,177 --> 01:42:23,428 Watch TV, I’ll probably re-watch Gandhi. 2199 01:42:24,263 --> 01:42:26,139 -Gandhi baked is good. -Yes, isn't it? 2200 01:42:26,224 --> 01:42:27,724 I always feel bad when I watch it baked 2201 01:42:27,809 --> 01:42:29,601 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot 2202 01:42:29,685 --> 01:42:30,644 and poor Gandhi is 2203 01:42:30,728 --> 01:42:32,729 -fucking starving his ass off. -Starving, I know. 2204 01:42:32,855 --> 01:42:35,315 (Music playing on TV) 2205 01:42:36,400 --> 01:42:37,859 -Sounds good. -Yeah. 2206 01:42:37,944 --> 01:42:40,529 I’m going to take her to capacity. Are you okay with that? 2207 01:42:40,613 --> 01:42:41,988 Give it a shot. 2208 01:42:42,073 --> 01:42:44,491 Freak! Oh, yeah! 2209 01:42:45,910 --> 01:42:48,495 Michael McDonald, man, I haven't heard this in years. 2210 01:42:48,579 --> 01:42:50,622 Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes. 2211 01:42:51,582 --> 01:42:54,167 If I get the set, will you throw in the DVD? 2212 01:42:54,252 --> 01:42:56,586 You don't get the set. I’ll throw in the DVD. 2213 01:42:57,046 --> 01:42:58,046 I’ll take it. 2214 01:42:58,172 --> 01:42:59,631 -Really? -Yeah. 2215 01:43:00,049 --> 01:43:01,049 (Whoops) 2216 01:43:01,133 --> 01:43:03,260 Y'all want to see something beautiful? Come here. 2217 01:43:03,344 --> 01:43:06,388 You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Check this out. 2218 01:43:06,472 --> 01:43:10,225 This is my baby right here. That's my baby's dick right there. 2219 01:43:10,852 --> 01:43:12,602 Looks like a poltergeist. 2220 01:43:12,895 --> 01:43:14,187 That is his foot. 2221 01:43:14,272 --> 01:43:16,565 Look at his dick. That's not even four months. 2222 01:43:16,649 --> 01:43:17,983 Extrapolate that. 2223 01:43:18,067 --> 01:43:20,402 By the time he's 30, what's gonna happen? 2224 01:43:20,486 --> 01:43:22,779 Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg. 2225 01:43:22,864 --> 01:43:25,407 Ls this the movie about babies that are geniuses? 2226 01:43:25,491 --> 01:43:27,993 No, this is my child, dude. Jill is pregnant. 2227 01:43:28,077 --> 01:43:29,202 -That's yours? -Jay: Yeah. 2228 01:43:29,287 --> 01:43:31,288 That's why she broke up with me in the first place, 2229 01:43:31,372 --> 01:43:33,582 'cause she just thought that I wouldn't be a good father 2230 01:43:33,666 --> 01:43:36,001 in light of the fact that I’d be cheating on her all the time. 2231 01:43:36,085 --> 01:43:37,586 But she got over all that. It's cool now. 2232 01:43:37,670 --> 01:43:39,880 Congratulations, man. That is great. 2233 01:43:40,214 --> 01:43:41,673 We having a party tonight, Andy, 2234 01:43:41,757 --> 01:43:43,216 and I really want you to be there, man. 2235 01:43:43,301 --> 01:43:45,802 We celebrating and I really, really want you to be there. 2236 01:43:45,887 --> 01:43:48,388 Lt looks like the Doppler radar. 2237 01:43:48,472 --> 01:43:49,514 Jay: Can you believe that? 2238 01:43:49,599 --> 01:43:51,224 This child ain't even four months old. 2239 01:43:51,309 --> 01:43:53,560 He ain't four months old yet. Look at what he's packing. 2240 01:43:53,644 --> 01:43:56,146 Everybody dick looks big on 60-inch TV. 2241 01:43:56,230 --> 01:43:58,815 My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay? 2242 01:43:59,775 --> 01:44:02,444 Trish: Oh, my god, this guy, Eric Gilliland, 2243 01:44:02,904 --> 01:44:05,488 -he has bought, like, 1 5 of these. -Really? 2244 01:44:05,573 --> 01:44:08,533 Yeah, I think he likes action figures even more than you. 2245 01:44:08,618 --> 01:44:11,161 -That is impossible. -I think so. 2246 01:44:11,996 --> 01:44:15,290 Andy, the way these things are flying off your shelf, 2247 01:44:15,374 --> 01:44:18,335 you know, I think you could actually make like 2248 01:44:18,836 --> 01:44:20,420 maybe like $1 00,000. 2249 01:44:20,504 --> 01:44:22,631 -Really? -Yeah, you could open your store. 2250 01:44:22,715 --> 01:44:24,132 -Wow. -Honey, 2251 01:44:24,258 --> 01:44:26,426 -that's a lot of money. -I know. 2252 01:44:26,510 --> 01:44:29,137 That's incredible. I wouldn't have done it without you. 2253 01:44:29,221 --> 01:44:30,430 Thanks. 2254 01:44:31,098 --> 01:44:33,892 -And that's not the only good news. -What? 2255 01:44:34,352 --> 01:44:37,312 -You know what tonight is? -Survivor is on? 2256 01:44:38,606 --> 01:44:40,148 -No. -I know. 2257 01:44:40,733 --> 01:44:43,318 Ls it the apprentice? 2258 01:44:44,236 --> 01:44:45,278 No. 2259 01:44:46,030 --> 01:44:47,113 What? 2260 01:44:49,825 --> 01:44:54,162 It's our 20th date. 2261 01:45:00,711 --> 01:45:02,128 -Wow. -Yeah. 2262 01:45:02,213 --> 01:45:03,254 -Really? -Uh-huh. 2263 01:45:03,589 --> 01:45:07,008 Seriously? I think we're at 1 8. 2264 01:45:07,093 --> 01:45:08,677 'Cause there were a couple of dates there 2265 01:45:08,761 --> 01:45:10,637 -that don't really count as dates. -No. 2266 01:45:10,721 --> 01:45:13,390 I’ll give you a free pass on those other ones. 2267 01:45:14,392 --> 01:45:15,558 Thank you. 2268 01:45:15,643 --> 01:45:16,768 -Listen. -What? 2269 01:45:16,852 --> 01:45:18,061 -Listen. -Mmm-hmm. 2270 01:45:19,563 --> 01:45:21,231 I really like you. 2271 01:45:27,196 --> 01:45:28,989 I think I’m falling for you. 2272 01:45:29,824 --> 01:45:33,576 I don't know. I kind of see this going somewhere. 2273 01:45:33,911 --> 01:45:35,120 I do too. 2274 01:45:35,246 --> 01:45:38,415 I just think we should just go crazy on each other. 2275 01:45:39,667 --> 01:45:41,668 -Okay. -Okay? 2276 01:45:42,545 --> 01:45:43,795 Oh, thank god! 2277 01:45:48,384 --> 01:45:50,844 Okay, I should... I gotta pick those up. 2278 01:45:50,928 --> 01:45:51,886 Don't pick them up now. 2279 01:45:51,971 --> 01:45:53,304 No, I have to pick those up right now. 2280 01:45:53,389 --> 01:45:55,473 -Wait, we'll get them later. -Listen, no, I can't, no. 2281 01:45:55,558 --> 01:45:57,183 Listen, it's really important because 2282 01:45:57,268 --> 01:45:59,519 once the integrity of the box gets compromised... 2283 01:45:59,603 --> 01:46:01,855 This is original packaging and that's why these things 2284 01:46:01,939 --> 01:46:04,107 are so valuable. So you don't screw with that. 2285 01:46:04,191 --> 01:46:06,192 -You really don't screw with that. -All right. 2286 01:46:06,277 --> 01:46:08,319 We can wrap them again later, you know. 2287 01:46:08,404 --> 01:46:09,738 Yeah, I know. But you know what, 2288 01:46:09,822 --> 01:46:12,032 this is very important that we don't lose the value 2289 01:46:12,116 --> 01:46:13,366 and compromise the integrity of it. 2290 01:46:13,451 --> 01:46:15,660 Andy, I’m throwing myself at you and 2291 01:46:15,745 --> 01:46:17,746 all you can think about is a fucking toy. 2292 01:46:17,830 --> 01:46:20,915 They're not fucking toys! This is Iron man, okay? 2293 01:46:21,000 --> 01:46:23,460 I got this when I was in second grade. 2294 01:46:23,627 --> 01:46:26,337 Do you know how hard it is for a kid to not open that? 2295 01:46:26,422 --> 01:46:27,630 This is important. 2296 01:46:27,715 --> 01:46:29,007 These are my things 2297 01:46:29,091 --> 01:46:32,385 and you are trying to make me sell them and I don't want to. 2298 01:46:32,470 --> 01:46:33,762 -No. -And you're making me. 2299 01:46:33,846 --> 01:46:35,972 -I’m not making... -You are encouraging me 2300 01:46:36,057 --> 01:46:38,183 -to quit my job. -I’m not! I’m not trying to... 2301 01:46:38,267 --> 01:46:40,977 You want me to open a store. You want me to sell everything. 2302 01:46:41,062 --> 01:46:42,812 You know what, I’m gonna tell you something. 2303 01:46:42,897 --> 01:46:46,024 I don't just change like that. I can't just change for you. 2304 01:46:46,108 --> 01:46:49,069 I don't... I’m not trying to change you. I like you. 2305 01:46:49,153 --> 01:46:51,196 I’m just... I’m trying to help you grow up, Andy. 2306 01:46:51,280 --> 01:46:52,906 Well, thanks a lot. 2307 01:46:52,990 --> 01:46:57,035 I mean, my god, you ride a bicycle to work in a stockroom. 2308 01:46:57,119 --> 01:46:59,412 You know what, I’m not in the stockroom anymore. 2309 01:46:59,497 --> 01:47:00,997 -I’m a floor manager. -Okay. 2310 01:47:01,082 --> 01:47:04,084 And I ride a bike because I like to. Einstein rode a bike. 2311 01:47:04,168 --> 01:47:06,878 He had a wife who he fucked, by the way. 2312 01:47:07,546 --> 01:47:09,839 What do I have to do for you to have sex with me? 2313 01:47:09,924 --> 01:47:12,425 Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I’ll dress up like Thor. 2314 01:47:12,510 --> 01:47:14,094 I’ll dress up like Iron man. 2315 01:47:14,178 --> 01:47:15,887 What do they do? I’ll do it. 2316 01:47:15,971 --> 01:47:17,806 What? Everything's always about sex. 2317 01:47:17,890 --> 01:47:19,474 Why don't you want to have sex with me? 2318 01:47:19,558 --> 01:47:22,018 Why not? Tell me. You tell me the truth. 2319 01:47:22,103 --> 01:47:24,270 Ls it because I have a kid who has a kid? Ls that why? 2320 01:47:24,355 --> 01:47:25,897 No, it's cool that you're a grandmother. 2321 01:47:25,981 --> 01:47:27,607 I love the fact that you're a grandmother. 2322 01:47:27,691 --> 01:47:30,235 -Oh, god! -You are. You're a hot grandma. 2323 01:47:30,319 --> 01:47:31,444 Oh, my god! 2324 01:47:31,529 --> 01:47:33,613 You are so mean! Get out! 2325 01:47:33,697 --> 01:47:36,449 -Okay, fine. Good! -Good, fine. You're gonna go. 2326 01:47:36,534 --> 01:47:39,869 -I didn't ask for any of this. -You asked for all of it, Andy. 2327 01:47:40,287 --> 01:47:41,704 Okay. Great. 2328 01:47:43,457 --> 01:47:44,666 (Door slamming) 2329 01:47:44,750 --> 01:47:45,750 Okay. 2330 01:47:46,127 --> 01:47:47,710 That's the way you want it, 2331 01:47:47,795 --> 01:47:50,713 that's the way homie's gonna play it. 2332 01:47:51,841 --> 01:47:53,508 Yeah. Truth be told. 2333 01:48:03,144 --> 01:48:04,811 (Car horn blaring) 2334 01:48:07,690 --> 01:48:10,024 (Hip-hop music playing) 2335 01:48:10,943 --> 01:48:13,111 Baby, you better enjoy yourself tonight 2336 01:48:13,195 --> 01:48:15,488 'cause once this baby's born, you ain't going out again 2337 01:48:15,573 --> 01:48:16,614 till that baby is in college. 2338 01:48:16,699 --> 01:48:17,907 -Me? -Yeah. 2339 01:48:17,992 --> 01:48:20,326 You the club rat. I’m not the one that be going out. 2340 01:48:20,411 --> 01:48:22,162 I’m not a club rat. 2341 01:48:22,246 --> 01:48:24,998 You're gonna get up, you march over there 2342 01:48:25,082 --> 01:48:27,584 and I want you to hit on Bernadette now. 2343 01:48:27,835 --> 01:48:29,836 Dude, I’m not gonna hit on Bernadette. 2344 01:48:29,920 --> 01:48:31,045 Yes, you are, man, 2345 01:48:31,130 --> 01:48:33,715 'cause your depression is boring me for one thing 2346 01:48:33,799 --> 01:48:35,758 and it's actually making me a little depressed, 2347 01:48:35,843 --> 01:48:37,802 which is then in turn making me more depressed 2348 01:48:37,887 --> 01:48:39,637 that you're actually affecting my mood. 2349 01:48:39,722 --> 01:48:43,057 Look, I’m not in any kind of place to talk to a woman, all right? 2350 01:48:43,142 --> 01:48:45,310 I’m just... I’m fragile. 2351 01:48:45,436 --> 01:48:47,312 I hired her for you. 2352 01:48:47,396 --> 01:48:50,982 I hired a 90-pound girl to work in the stockroom at smart tech 2353 01:48:51,066 --> 01:48:52,609 for you, okay? 2354 01:48:52,693 --> 01:48:54,194 I should have hired a 300-pound guy 2355 01:48:54,278 --> 01:48:55,862 who could lift a 60-inch flat screen. 2356 01:48:55,946 --> 01:48:58,448 But instead I hired a hot girI 2357 01:48:58,532 --> 01:49:01,910 who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. 2358 01:49:02,703 --> 01:49:04,204 -You hired her for me? -Yes. 2359 01:49:04,288 --> 01:49:05,705 So will you go talk to her? 2360 01:49:05,789 --> 01:49:07,624 Yeah, I’m meeting somebody. 2361 01:49:07,791 --> 01:49:08,791 No. 2362 01:49:12,421 --> 01:49:14,547 -Did you just flick me in the nuts? -No. 2363 01:49:14,632 --> 01:49:17,884 Flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be. 2364 01:49:17,968 --> 01:49:18,968 (Groans) 2365 01:49:19,053 --> 01:49:20,595 Quit flicking my balls, man. 2366 01:49:20,679 --> 01:49:23,223 Okay, I’ll stop flicking your balls. 2367 01:49:23,307 --> 01:49:25,725 But I’ll start punching your nuts. 2368 01:49:26,685 --> 01:49:27,685 (Groans) 2369 01:49:28,312 --> 01:49:29,479 Okay. 2370 01:49:33,192 --> 01:49:34,651 Well played, sir. 2371 01:49:35,027 --> 01:49:36,194 -Okay. -Thank you. 2372 01:49:36,278 --> 01:49:38,404 No problem, man. Go get them. 2373 01:49:38,989 --> 01:49:40,740 Mooj, you done see my son, 2374 01:49:40,824 --> 01:49:42,450 you know his foot gonna be bigger than this. 2375 01:49:42,534 --> 01:49:45,745 If that baby looks Pakistani, don't fucking look at me, okay? 2376 01:49:45,829 --> 01:49:49,415 I wouldn't mind. You got good genes. How old are you? What, 1 38? 2377 01:49:49,500 --> 01:49:52,418 When your son is born, is he already in parole? 2378 01:50:00,844 --> 01:50:04,222 I need some poon. 2379 01:50:04,473 --> 01:50:07,475 You guys were so right, right from the beginning. 2380 01:50:07,768 --> 01:50:12,438 I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need. 2381 01:50:12,898 --> 01:50:16,442 You know, the thing about relationships is that they 2382 01:50:16,652 --> 01:50:18,361 make one person go... 2383 01:50:18,487 --> 01:50:19,862 (Gibbering) 2384 01:50:19,947 --> 01:50:22,156 And the other person go, "what are you talking about?" 2385 01:50:22,241 --> 01:50:23,533 And then one person goes... 2386 01:50:23,617 --> 01:50:24,993 (Gibbering) 2387 01:50:25,077 --> 01:50:26,703 How much have you had to drink, man? 2388 01:50:26,787 --> 01:50:30,290 How much have I had to drink? How many pots have you smoken? 2389 01:50:30,374 --> 01:50:31,499 What are you talking about? 2390 01:50:31,583 --> 01:50:34,836 How many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? 2391 01:50:34,920 --> 01:50:36,129 Let me ask you that. 2392 01:50:36,213 --> 01:50:39,173 You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? 2393 01:50:39,258 --> 01:50:40,842 Fuck you, man! I’m sorry. 2394 01:50:40,926 --> 01:50:44,137 No, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. 2395 01:50:44,221 --> 01:50:46,139 What's up, baby, I didn't know you had came already. 2396 01:50:46,223 --> 01:50:48,391 Hey, motherfucker! 2397 01:50:48,726 --> 01:50:50,184 (Both laughing) 2398 01:50:50,811 --> 01:50:52,895 Man, you know what, tonight is the night. 2399 01:50:52,980 --> 01:50:57,692 You know what, you were totally right and I was wrong. 2400 01:50:57,943 --> 01:51:02,447 You were right all along. You cannot have a relationship 2401 01:51:02,573 --> 01:51:04,741 with somebody until 2402 01:51:05,409 --> 01:51:07,827 you have sex and that's the long, 2403 01:51:07,911 --> 01:51:09,662 that's the long and short of it. 2404 01:51:09,747 --> 01:51:13,207 -So, thank you. -That's good. 2405 01:51:13,542 --> 01:51:16,544 And now I have to go hunt for some hos. 2406 01:51:16,754 --> 01:51:18,129 (Laughing) 2407 01:51:19,423 --> 01:51:22,717 -He going to be all right? -No, I don't think he is. 2408 01:51:22,968 --> 01:51:25,094 -Cal's a good guy. -Yeah, he's a great guy. 2409 01:51:25,179 --> 01:51:26,846 It's so funny, because, you know, 2410 01:51:26,930 --> 01:51:29,724 when I first met him and I thought you were cute at the store 2411 01:51:29,808 --> 01:51:33,144 -he told me you were gay. -I’m not gay. 2412 01:51:33,354 --> 01:51:35,730 Cal says that I’m gay because he has a real problem 2413 01:51:35,814 --> 01:51:37,648 with his own gayness. 2414 01:51:38,400 --> 01:51:41,611 But seriously, I’m going to lay it out for you, right now. 2415 01:51:42,446 --> 01:51:44,655 I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you. 2416 01:51:44,740 --> 01:51:47,617 You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is 2417 01:51:47,701 --> 01:51:51,621 I dated this woman, let me rephrase that, I dated this whore 2418 01:51:51,872 --> 01:51:53,539 who stomped all over my heart. 2419 01:51:53,624 --> 01:51:56,209 And it's just taking me a little while to kind of, 2420 01:51:56,293 --> 01:51:58,127 you know, get back in the game. 2421 01:51:58,212 --> 01:51:59,670 Oh, my god. Say no more. 2422 01:51:59,755 --> 01:52:02,382 My last boyfriend Sal Jr, is a scum bag. 2423 01:52:02,466 --> 01:52:04,384 I would totally pay people to have him killed. 2424 01:52:04,468 --> 01:52:06,386 That's how much I fucking hate that damn scum bag. 2425 01:52:06,470 --> 01:52:08,471 -God, you're fucking awesome. -You too. 2426 01:52:10,974 --> 01:52:12,892 Hey, you! 2427 01:52:14,978 --> 01:52:16,687 -Hey. -Hey. 2428 01:52:16,980 --> 01:52:18,481 How you doing? 2429 01:52:18,941 --> 01:52:21,484 Much better, now that I’m talking to you. 2430 01:52:21,735 --> 01:52:24,320 Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt. 2431 01:52:25,114 --> 01:52:26,364 Nice. 2432 01:52:27,574 --> 01:52:30,284 So, you think we should 2433 01:52:30,577 --> 01:52:33,162 take this party to my apartment or what? 2434 01:52:33,664 --> 01:52:36,707 I am RSVPing "yes." 2435 01:52:40,421 --> 01:52:43,714 Hope you have a big trunk because I’m putting my bike in it. 2436 01:52:46,468 --> 01:52:47,969 Yeah, let's go! 2437 01:52:53,100 --> 01:52:55,685 Mom, I left my phone somewhere and I... 2438 01:52:56,437 --> 01:52:57,562 Thank you. 2439 01:52:58,897 --> 01:53:02,150 What's the matter? Where is Andy? 2440 01:53:02,234 --> 01:53:05,194 -We had a big fight, just... -Oh, mom. 2441 01:53:05,737 --> 01:53:07,780 He just stormed out of here. 2442 01:53:07,865 --> 01:53:08,948 What happened? 2443 01:53:09,032 --> 01:53:11,701 Well, I just... wait a minute, I thought you hated him. 2444 01:53:11,785 --> 01:53:15,329 I don't hate him. I mean, he does do magic, but, 2445 01:53:15,414 --> 01:53:17,790 you know, he's a big dork 2446 01:53:18,208 --> 01:53:20,501 and I like seeing you happy. 2447 01:53:22,212 --> 01:53:23,379 I do. 2448 01:53:25,299 --> 01:53:27,800 -That's sweet, that's really sweet. -Mom. 2449 01:53:28,469 --> 01:53:31,429 Why don't you just go talk to him, work it out. 2450 01:53:31,513 --> 01:53:34,223 'Cause if the thing is that important, you can't just stop. 2451 01:53:35,058 --> 01:53:37,143 -Let me dance for you. -I would love it. 2452 01:53:37,227 --> 01:53:38,269 (Music playing on stereo) 2453 01:53:38,353 --> 01:53:42,565 Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great. 2454 01:53:43,358 --> 01:53:46,986 Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot. 2455 01:53:47,070 --> 01:53:48,779 I’m smoking hot. 2456 01:53:48,864 --> 01:53:51,782 You know what? I’m just going to have sex with you. 2457 01:53:51,867 --> 01:53:53,826 Yes! Let's have sex. 2458 01:53:53,911 --> 01:53:56,037 -It's going to happen. -That's why we are here. 2459 01:53:56,121 --> 01:53:58,581 That's totally what's going to happen. 2460 01:53:58,832 --> 01:54:00,875 We could do it in the... 2461 01:54:01,877 --> 01:54:03,711 Butt, if you want to. 2462 01:54:03,795 --> 01:54:05,004 (Both laughing) 2463 01:54:05,339 --> 01:54:06,964 But, if I want to what? 2464 01:54:07,758 --> 01:54:10,843 -Butt. -But what? What? 2465 01:54:10,928 --> 01:54:13,095 -Do it. -Do it? 2466 01:54:13,430 --> 01:54:14,514 What? 2467 01:54:14,598 --> 01:54:17,350 I don't know what you're talking about. 2468 01:54:17,434 --> 01:54:19,685 -Butt. -But... 2469 01:54:19,770 --> 01:54:21,145 -What? -What? 2470 01:54:24,233 --> 01:54:26,442 But, it still feels so right. 2471 01:54:35,410 --> 01:54:38,538 (Scatting) 2472 01:54:39,456 --> 01:54:40,540 Yeah! 2473 01:54:41,583 --> 01:54:42,583 (Gasping) 2474 01:54:42,876 --> 01:54:46,712 Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah. 2475 01:54:48,131 --> 01:54:49,840 That was a fun day. 2476 01:54:51,385 --> 01:54:54,470 You are so kinky. 2477 01:54:55,180 --> 01:54:56,931 Yeah, I’m so kinky. 2478 01:54:57,474 --> 01:55:00,685 That's why I did this because I thought it looks... 2479 01:55:00,769 --> 01:55:03,187 You like to shave, don't you? 2480 01:55:03,272 --> 01:55:06,107 -Let's shave each other. -I don't think you have any hair. 2481 01:55:06,191 --> 01:55:08,025 You know where to shave me. 2482 01:55:08,110 --> 01:55:10,152 -Yeah. -Because I want to shave you. 2483 01:55:10,237 --> 01:55:11,946 I want to shave your head. 2484 01:55:13,240 --> 01:55:15,116 I wanna give you a buzz cut. 2485 01:55:16,034 --> 01:55:17,743 Let's get in the bath. 2486 01:55:18,120 --> 01:55:19,579 Ln the bath? 2487 01:55:19,663 --> 01:55:24,041 Yes. We're gonna get dirty. Dirty, dirty. Sudsy. 2488 01:55:24,167 --> 01:55:26,168 It's just about time I got really dirty. 2489 01:55:26,253 --> 01:55:27,336 Yeah. 2490 01:55:30,299 --> 01:55:34,760 Hey. Hi, it's me, and I’m on my way to your house. 2491 01:55:34,970 --> 01:55:37,138 I want to do whatever you want to do, okay? 2492 01:55:37,514 --> 01:55:41,684 Fifty dates. 100. I hope not, but whatever. 2493 01:55:42,185 --> 01:55:44,812 I’m gonna see you soon, okay? Bye. 2494 01:55:46,189 --> 01:55:47,481 (Beth laughing) 2495 01:55:48,859 --> 01:55:52,028 Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay. 2496 01:55:53,155 --> 01:55:54,113 (Groans) 2497 01:55:54,197 --> 01:55:57,158 Wow! Holy shit! 2498 01:55:57,367 --> 01:55:59,952 Wow. This is just the right thing to happen. 2499 01:56:00,412 --> 01:56:03,789 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! Almost got my penis. 2500 01:56:03,999 --> 01:56:05,416 Come to mama. 2501 01:56:07,002 --> 01:56:09,795 I’m gonna really take care of you tonight. 2502 01:56:10,047 --> 01:56:12,548 You're never gonna forget Beth. 2503 01:56:22,726 --> 01:56:24,727 I just want to please you. 2504 01:56:25,562 --> 01:56:27,188 What do you like? 2505 01:56:28,023 --> 01:56:31,108 I don't know. What do you like? 2506 01:56:31,652 --> 01:56:33,736 Can I show you what I like? 2507 01:56:34,237 --> 01:56:35,363 Okay. 2508 01:56:49,002 --> 01:56:51,796 It's so hot in here. 2509 01:56:52,547 --> 01:56:54,924 I wanna introduce you to my friend. 2510 01:56:58,929 --> 01:57:01,013 Your friend is so shiny. 2511 01:57:01,973 --> 01:57:05,017 This guy knows exactly what I like. 2512 01:57:10,399 --> 01:57:12,108 Where's your friend going? 2513 01:57:13,944 --> 01:57:16,612 This is how I’m gonna warm up for you. 2514 01:57:17,823 --> 01:57:21,659 That's always good to warm up. You don't wanna pull something. 2515 01:57:22,452 --> 01:57:23,744 (Moaning) 2516 01:57:34,256 --> 01:57:35,464 (Exclaims) 2517 01:57:39,594 --> 01:57:41,887 Wow, this is graphic. 2518 01:57:43,640 --> 01:57:45,474 (Laughing) 2519 01:57:55,819 --> 01:57:57,278 I can't do it. 2520 01:57:58,905 --> 01:58:01,657 God, what are you doing here? 2521 01:58:01,825 --> 01:58:04,410 We came here because we were concerned about you and Trish 2522 01:58:04,494 --> 01:58:06,662 and now I could not give a fuck. 2523 01:58:06,913 --> 01:58:08,831 How did you even know where she lives? 2524 01:58:09,416 --> 01:58:12,001 -I hit it like eight months back. -What? 2525 01:58:12,085 --> 01:58:14,754 Never gave her back the key, man. You have no idea 2526 01:58:14,838 --> 01:58:16,797 where this is going, all right? That girl is a freak. 2527 01:58:16,882 --> 01:58:20,342 Beth: Oh, it's happening! It's happening! Andy! 2528 01:58:20,510 --> 01:58:21,844 You think? 2529 01:58:22,012 --> 01:58:24,263 We've been talking, and look, 2530 01:58:24,556 --> 01:58:26,849 if you love Trish, you can't do this. 2531 01:58:26,933 --> 01:58:29,935 Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 2532 01:58:30,020 --> 01:58:32,605 I don't even know who I am. All I know is 2533 01:58:32,689 --> 01:58:36,275 that woman scares the shit out of me 2534 01:58:36,359 --> 01:58:38,611 and I just wanna go home, okay? 2535 01:58:38,820 --> 01:58:41,113 -Let's go. -We should all get out of here. 2536 01:58:41,198 --> 01:58:42,907 -Okay. -Cal: We should all go. 2537 01:58:42,991 --> 01:58:46,327 -Lt wasn't that good for me. -We should totally get out of here. 2538 01:58:46,411 --> 01:58:48,621 We should run away from here. 2539 01:58:51,833 --> 01:58:53,584 (Beth moaning) 2540 01:58:55,212 --> 01:58:56,253 Hey. 2541 01:58:56,338 --> 01:58:57,546 (Beth laughing) 2542 01:58:57,631 --> 01:58:58,714 Cal. 2543 01:59:00,383 --> 01:59:01,383 (Car horns blaring) 2544 01:59:01,468 --> 01:59:03,177 Go around! 2545 01:59:04,054 --> 01:59:06,180 Come on, just go around me! 2546 01:59:09,392 --> 01:59:11,060 Can't you hear me? 2547 01:59:18,568 --> 01:59:21,612 Hey, there. Hi, Trish. 2548 01:59:23,240 --> 01:59:25,741 Man, I’m really sorry about tonight. 2549 01:59:25,826 --> 01:59:27,243 What's this? 2550 01:59:28,286 --> 01:59:29,954 Those are David's. 2551 01:59:32,040 --> 01:59:33,833 I think he has a problem. 2552 01:59:33,917 --> 01:59:36,418 -These are David's? -He's into that. 2553 01:59:36,586 --> 01:59:40,005 David's boner jams '03? 2554 01:59:40,632 --> 01:59:42,675 Yeah, it's so sad. 2555 01:59:43,176 --> 01:59:46,178 He compiled all the best boner scenes, I guess. 2556 01:59:47,097 --> 01:59:49,431 This isn't what it looks like, okay? 2557 01:59:49,933 --> 01:59:53,018 -What does this look like? -A vagina. 2558 01:59:54,062 --> 01:59:55,604 And what do you do with this vagina? 2559 01:59:55,689 --> 01:59:58,941 To learn. It's for medicinal purposes. 2560 01:59:59,776 --> 02:00:02,319 -Hey, I’m sorry. God... -What's this? 2561 02:00:02,821 --> 02:00:05,781 This your date drug? Your roofie? 2562 02:00:06,116 --> 02:00:07,616 It's a Mentos. 2563 02:00:08,368 --> 02:00:10,286 They're "the freshmaker." 2564 02:00:10,370 --> 02:00:11,787 Yeah, right. 2565 02:00:11,997 --> 02:00:13,956 What are you, some kind of sex pervert? 2566 02:00:14,040 --> 02:00:15,374 Are you a deviant or something? 2567 02:00:15,458 --> 02:00:18,168 -No, I’m not a sexual deviant! -What is all this? 2568 02:00:18,253 --> 02:00:20,713 I haven't even tried to have sex with you, so... 2569 02:00:20,797 --> 02:00:23,674 What are you trying to do? What are you buttering me up for? 2570 02:00:23,758 --> 02:00:24,884 Come on. 2571 02:00:24,968 --> 02:00:26,719 You're not gonna try and kill me, are you? 2572 02:00:26,803 --> 02:00:29,471 -Look, Trish. -You didn't get a new carpet. 2573 02:00:29,723 --> 02:00:33,017 I’m not trying to kill you. I love you. 2574 02:00:33,435 --> 02:00:35,853 -I love you. -Oh, god! 2575 02:00:36,146 --> 02:00:37,313 Trish. 2576 02:00:39,482 --> 02:00:43,694 (Heat of the moment playing) 2577 02:00:45,864 --> 02:00:48,073 Trish. No! 2578 02:00:48,992 --> 02:00:51,493 No. Trish, stop. 2579 02:00:56,041 --> 02:00:57,333 Come on, Trish! 2580 02:01:00,754 --> 02:01:02,671 I need to talk to you! 2581 02:01:02,756 --> 02:01:03,839 No! 2582 02:01:06,009 --> 02:01:07,009 Damn it. 2583 02:01:33,244 --> 02:01:34,703 (Exclaiming) 2584 02:01:36,915 --> 02:01:37,915 (Groans) 2585 02:01:38,833 --> 02:01:40,209 Oh, my god! 2586 02:01:40,877 --> 02:01:42,169 (Car horn blaring) 2587 02:01:43,004 --> 02:01:46,048 Andy! Oh, my god! 2588 02:01:46,132 --> 02:01:47,508 Call 91 1 . 2589 02:01:47,676 --> 02:01:49,593 Oh, my... Andy. 2590 02:01:50,387 --> 02:01:52,096 Oh, my god! 2591 02:01:52,180 --> 02:01:54,974 I’m gonna need a minute. I’m in a lot of pain right now. 2592 02:01:55,058 --> 02:01:56,725 Oh, my god. Are you okay? 2593 02:01:56,810 --> 02:01:57,977 Not bad. 2594 02:01:58,061 --> 02:02:00,396 There were two sides to that billboard. 2595 02:02:00,480 --> 02:02:02,398 And they both hurt equally. 2596 02:02:02,774 --> 02:02:05,401 Andy. 2597 02:02:05,944 --> 02:02:07,194 (Exhaling) 2598 02:02:07,570 --> 02:02:09,738 -Are you okay? -I’m okay. 2599 02:02:10,031 --> 02:02:11,699 No, I’m not okay. 2600 02:02:12,993 --> 02:02:14,410 I’m a virgin. 2601 02:02:16,579 --> 02:02:17,746 A what? 2602 02:02:18,665 --> 02:02:21,041 I’m a virgin. I always have been. 2603 02:02:22,419 --> 02:02:25,754 Andy, is that what all this was about? 2604 02:02:26,756 --> 02:02:28,048 I’m sorry. 2605 02:02:28,133 --> 02:02:30,509 You're just a virgin, that's all? 2606 02:02:30,635 --> 02:02:33,303 -Yeah. -That's good. That's a good thing. 2607 02:02:35,098 --> 02:02:36,932 I feel stupid. 2608 02:02:38,601 --> 02:02:41,311 It's okay. I thought you were trying to kill me. 2609 02:02:43,064 --> 02:02:44,106 No. 2610 02:02:44,941 --> 02:02:46,233 Oh, my god. 2611 02:02:47,318 --> 02:02:49,903 No, I’m not trying to kill you. 2612 02:02:53,783 --> 02:02:56,452 That's why I never tried to have sex with you. 2613 02:02:56,828 --> 02:02:59,288 I was scared, okay? I just... 2614 02:03:00,290 --> 02:03:01,832 'Cause I didn't know what I was doing. 2615 02:03:01,916 --> 02:03:03,751 I just didn't think it would be good. 2616 02:03:03,835 --> 02:03:06,795 Of course it'll be good. We love each other. 2617 02:03:08,423 --> 02:03:09,590 Really? 2618 02:03:11,259 --> 02:03:12,634 I love you. 2619 02:03:14,137 --> 02:03:15,262 Yeah. 2620 02:03:18,475 --> 02:03:19,892 (Car horn honking) 2621 02:03:19,976 --> 02:03:22,478 Get the fuck out of the road, virgin! 2622 02:03:24,314 --> 02:03:25,773 Shut up, you fucking jerk! 2623 02:03:25,857 --> 02:03:28,776 No, that's okay. That's all right. Sorry. 2624 02:03:30,403 --> 02:03:31,487 You know what, 2625 02:03:31,571 --> 02:03:34,364 for so long I thought that there was something wrong with me 2626 02:03:34,449 --> 02:03:37,284 because it had never happened, but 2627 02:03:39,746 --> 02:03:43,540 I realize now that it was just because I was waiting for you. 2628 02:04:08,566 --> 02:04:11,318 This was some wedding. How could they afford it? 2629 02:04:11,402 --> 02:04:14,696 Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars. 2630 02:04:14,823 --> 02:04:16,990 -It's crazy, right? -That's fucking crazy. 2631 02:04:17,075 --> 02:04:19,034 We're gonna get some fucking toys. 2632 02:04:19,119 --> 02:04:21,286 We are all so happy for you. 2633 02:04:21,496 --> 02:04:24,289 I am delighted to say these words. 2634 02:04:25,208 --> 02:04:26,333 Andy, 2635 02:04:26,918 --> 02:04:28,794 you may kiss the bride. 2636 02:04:33,341 --> 02:04:35,050 (People exclaiming) 2637 02:04:40,056 --> 02:04:41,390 (Cheering) 2638 02:04:42,058 --> 02:04:45,185 And for god's sake, consummate the thing. 2639 02:04:50,150 --> 02:04:53,068 No! Stop it. I have the key. 2640 02:04:56,739 --> 02:04:57,739 (Exclaims) 2641 02:05:00,076 --> 02:05:02,202 I’m not gonna be done buffing the marble 2642 02:05:02,287 --> 02:05:03,996 for about a half an hour, but 2643 02:05:04,080 --> 02:05:06,582 you can come in and sit down if you want 2644 02:05:06,666 --> 02:05:08,834 or wait in the lobby. It's okay. 2645 02:05:08,918 --> 02:05:10,460 It's up to you. 2646 02:05:13,798 --> 02:05:16,383 (Humming) 2647 02:05:17,635 --> 02:05:19,928 Dude, get the fuck out of here. 2648 02:05:30,940 --> 02:05:32,441 -Ready? -Yeah. 2649 02:05:38,615 --> 02:05:39,990 -Yes. -Yeah. 2650 02:05:43,203 --> 02:05:44,411 (Trish moans) 2651 02:05:46,664 --> 02:05:47,664 Whoa. 2652 02:05:48,208 --> 02:05:50,500 You're officially not a virgin. 2653 02:05:51,294 --> 02:05:52,419 Cool. 2654 02:06:00,470 --> 02:06:01,845 Wow. 2655 02:06:09,312 --> 02:06:10,938 Wanna do it again? 2656 02:06:12,023 --> 02:06:13,857 -Yeah. -Good. Okay. 2657 02:06:13,942 --> 02:06:15,150 Sure. 2658 02:06:15,485 --> 02:06:17,653 That was good. That was okay. 2659 02:06:21,032 --> 02:06:22,115 Okay. 2660 02:06:22,242 --> 02:06:23,283 -You ready? -Yeah. 2661 02:06:23,368 --> 02:06:25,994 -Are you ready? -Yeah, I’m fine, yeah. 2662 02:06:35,213 --> 02:06:36,546 (Panting) 2663 02:06:38,758 --> 02:06:40,759 So, how was that for you? 2664 02:06:45,640 --> 02:06:48,141 (Singing) When the moon 2665 02:06:48,226 --> 02:06:51,478 is in the seventh house 2666 02:06:51,688 --> 02:06:56,191 and Jupiter aligns with Mars 2667 02:06:57,193 --> 02:07:02,114 then peace will guide the planets 2668 02:07:02,532 --> 02:07:05,784 and love will steer the stars 2669 02:07:05,868 --> 02:07:10,372 this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius 2670 02:07:10,540 --> 02:07:14,876 age of Aquarius 2671 02:07:15,461 --> 02:07:25,053 Aquarius 2672 02:07:25,722 --> 02:07:27,806 Harmony and understanding 2673 02:07:28,141 --> 02:07:30,684 sympathy and trust abounding 2674 02:07:30,768 --> 02:07:35,314 no more falsehoods or derisions golden living dreams of visions 2675 02:07:35,398 --> 02:07:38,025 mystic crystal revelations 2676 02:07:38,109 --> 02:07:41,111 and the mind's true liberation 2677 02:07:41,195 --> 02:07:50,787 Aquarius 2678 02:07:51,247 --> 02:07:55,834 when the moon is in the seventh house 2679 02:07:56,085 --> 02:08:00,881 and Jupiter aligns with Mars 2680 02:08:01,799 --> 02:08:06,553 then peace will guide the planets 2681 02:08:06,763 --> 02:08:10,098 and love will steer the star 2682 02:08:10,183 --> 02:08:14,603 this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius 2683 02:08:14,771 --> 02:08:19,524 the age of Aquarius 2684 02:08:19,734 --> 02:08:26,865 Aquarius 2685 02:08:26,949 --> 02:08:28,784 it's Aquarius, baby 2686 02:08:28,868 --> 02:08:31,119 we ain't talking about no Scorpio 2687 02:08:31,454 --> 02:08:33,121 we ain't talking about no 2688 02:08:33,206 --> 02:08:35,832 no, we ain't talking about no Scorpio 2689 02:08:39,921 --> 02:08:51,181 Aquarius 2690 02:08:55,978 --> 02:08:59,689 let the sunshine 2691 02:08:59,982 --> 02:09:03,402 let the sunshine in 2692 02:09:03,486 --> 02:09:06,905 the sunshine in 2693 02:09:07,824 --> 02:09:11,159 let the sunshine 2694 02:09:11,828 --> 02:09:15,205 let the sunshine in 2695 02:09:15,289 --> 02:09:18,834 the sunshine in 2696 02:09:19,710 --> 02:09:23,380 let the sunshine 2697 02:09:23,464 --> 02:09:26,925 let the sunshine in 2698 02:09:27,009 --> 02:09:31,179 -the sunshine in -let it shine, let it shine 2699 02:09:31,431 --> 02:09:34,766 let the sunshine 2700 02:09:34,851 --> 02:09:36,685 let it shine 2701 02:09:36,769 --> 02:09:38,770 let it shine, yeah 2702 02:09:38,855 --> 02:09:42,691 the sunshine in 2703 02:09:43,151 --> 02:09:46,611 let the sunshine 2704 02:09:46,988 --> 02:09:50,407 let the sunshine in 2705 02:09:50,491 --> 02:09:53,452 the sunshine in 2706 02:10:18,394 --> 02:10:20,270 (Just got lucky playing)